Twinkle Twinkle

The Fireflies are out! Or perhaps you call them Lightening Bugs. Either way, they are really really cool.

To me, seeing the first firefly of the season means that summer is here: there's hot steamy nights ahead, and the smell of bar-b-q's, and sand, and sun-burnt skin with suntan lotion in store for us. The fourth of July is right around the corner -- Next Week! -- with the best fireworks I've ever seen right here in my backyard -- I absolutely love this time of year. I know, its hot, and the AC is kickin into full gear, but Summer at the Shore is really a wonderful thing. Its what makes living in NJ like nothing else...

In the details

It really is all in the details, isn't it? The difference between good and great -- just right and perfect.

I'm currently reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, the author who wrote The Kite Runner - which, if you've never read, is really fantastic. This book is proving to be even better. Absolutely mesmerising. I've been reading it for 2 days and I'm already 245 pages into it. For a woman with a full time job, 2 kids, etc., 245 in 2 days is usually virtually impossible, but the book is so fascinating I'm flying through.

But anyway -- to the details. Sometimes I read a passage, and it just fits so well with things I have experienced, and had wanted to put into words, but never could. This one is part of the story and its talking about a 5 year old little girl Mariam, and her mother, Nana:

If she could articulate it, she might have said to Nana that she was tired of being an instrument, of being lied to, laid claim to, used. That she was sick of Nana twisting the truths of their life and making her, Mariam, another of her grievances against the world.

That just about says it all -- to be 5, and to think like that, and to not be able to articulate what you're thinking... I can relate. And the words are so simple, and so simply strung together, but the detail you get within them -- just amazing.

Hell to pay

Question: If using the lord's name in vain is a sin, then what is it to use your belief in the Lord as an excuse for despicable behaviour? What I mean is, how is it that "religious" people can claim to be so frickin "holy" that they just couldn't possibly be an arrogant s.o.b.


For the most part, I love my job, but I have to say that some days I come home with the opinion that People Just Suck. I mean, they do stupid, mean, arrogant, malicious things, and then try to cover up their asses any way they can. And just when I'm thinking "No one can possibly believe this idiot," people prove me wrong, and they believe the idiot.

I know, I know, I know, and I can hear my mothers voice in my head saying "the world is not fair, sweetie," but SERIOUSLY... I hope to g-d there really is a g-d, and if there is one, I do hope that at some point all those "religiously moral" people there who use and abuse people eventually get to meet their maker and THEN try explaining away all the harm they have caused in their pathetic lives, AND, that when they do stammer, and cough, and cover up, and lie, and back-peddle, and skirt, and twist, and point fingers elsewhere, and question your verbage, and accuse others, and blame their childhoods, and cry, and shake, and basically make a complete and total ass in front of the Allmighty... I hope that THEN, at That Point, that there is Hell To Pay!!!

If Only

So many times you hear people talk about things "If Only," or sometimes even just "If."
It usually begins with "Dude, what if..." or, "Could you imagine if..." Here are my answers to the most common IF things I get asked.

Q: If you could be a superhero, or have super powers, who would you be, or what powers would you have?
A: Well, I am kinda partial to Wonder Woman. I mean, what 30-something gal isn't? But her invisible jet, and the whole lasso of truth thing make her not something I aspire to. She looks great, don't get me wrong -- but her powers are not that cool. Doesn't really answer the question, but this is my "What If," so there.

If I had to choose a super power, at first, I might say Invisibility. Then within moments I'd change it to Able To Withstand Bullets,etc., like Superman. And then, on further review, I would opt for Never Feels Nauseous, with its advantageous side power of Never Throws Up. Lord, if I could live the rest of my life with never feeling queasy again... aaahhh... what a blessing! I would drink till I ... fell asleep! :)

Q: If you won the lottery, what would you do?
A: Hmmm, depends on the sum. Let's just say I'm set for life, and my kids are set for life. And, for good measure, my great-great-grand kids are set for life.

I would, in no particular order: Have a huge costume party. In a very cool and scary mansion. On Halloween.
I would buy a vacation home on a beach somewhere.
I would buy an RV -- like one of those silver ones -- an "Airstream?" I think they are called. The kind you tug along behind a big truck, not the kind you ride in, and I would travel around the country.
I would buy strangers lunch if they looked nice, or were friendly.
I would make people happy.
I would go back to school and get a doctorate in something cool, like archeology, or anthropology.
Of course, I would do all those other things that lottery winners do: quit my job, take care of my extended family, spend time with my kids all the time.
And last, but not least: SHOES!! I'd buy lots and lots of shoes.

Q: If you were stuck on an island alone, what 5 cds, 5 books, or 5 movies would you like to have with you.

A: cds: Soul Mining by The The, Elvis Costello's Greatest Hits, Antics in the Forbidden Zone by Adam and the Ants, Avalon by Roxy Music, and Aretha Franklin's greatest hits.

books: The complete tales of Winnie the Pooh, Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns, One of the Hap and Leonard books by Joe R. Lansdale -- the one with the squirrel attack -- I forget if that's in Mucho Mojo or Bad Chili. All of those are so good., One of the Myron Bolitar novels by Harlen Coben. They also are absolutely hilarious., and then perhaps either The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff, or The Electric Koolaid Acid Test -- not sure which one.

movies: Could I bring the Lost series, or is it one disc per "movie"...? Well, if box sets were allowed, I would bring all the seasons of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, Lost, Six Feet Under, and then of course, my 2 guilty pleasure movies Xanadu and Tremors. And then perhaps if I could -- Out of Africa. I frickin love that movie. And if I'm stuck on an island, there's no better to look at then Robert Redford!!

Q: If you only had one hour to live, what would you do?
A: Be with my husband and kids snuggling and horsing around--tickling, kissing, and hugging. And Laughing!!


Q: If you could meet any famous person in history, alive or dead, who would you meet?
A: Now this one is a stumper. I've never been able to answer that one. I'd kinda like to meet my great-grandparents. My great-grandmother lived till I was 5, but all my other greats died before I was born. I'd kinda like to meet them all and ask them about getting to this country, and what that was like. If I had to choose a famous person, I suppose it would be Oprah. But not on the show. It'd have to be like a low key thing at her house or something. Just a girls afternoon kinda thing.

Ok. There are many many more Ifs I could bring you, but this is all I can type for now! If you would like to ask other Ifs, or play along yourself, feel free to send me something!

Sidestepping

So - Its the dreaded Day Before Fathers Day, or, if you wish -- Fathers Day Eve. It was exactly one year ago on the same eve that I fell down and broke my butt. If you don't remember, there's a post all about it in the archives for you. But to bring you up to speed faster, the gist is that in an attempt to make the house "perfect" prior to the morning of Fathers Day, I hastily flung myself down the basement steps while attempting to finish up the laundry. Said flinging resulted in my ass being impaled in the stairway in a frightfully shocking amount of pain and suffering. I then drove myself to the hospital, as it was midnight, and who could we call to watch the kids at that hour, and sheepishly told the teen behind the reception desk that I was there because I had broke my butt. His face is indelibly imprinted in my memory as The Smirk that Lives Forever.

So - This year, today, right now, its Fathers Day Eve, and I am itching to clean the house and make it all "Perfect" so that tomorrow no chores will need to be done, and we can do some sort of "father-ish" thing... what that might be, I have no idea... But in addition to this itch to clean, I have this nagging voice in my head saying "Just sit the hell down, woman! Its Saturday! Relax, you silly type-a neat-freak work-a-holic!" Do I never learn from my mistakes? Don't I know that cleaning the house on Fathers Day Eve is a cursed action, that can only lead to doing something stupid and painfull?

So what do I do today? I feel like I am sidestepping all day long. I can't walk straight and go on with what I feel I must do (clean, idiot!) so I must sidestep my own compass settings and try to figure out something else to do to pass the time....

If only the house wasn't such a mess this would be much easier!! :)

Chutzpah

For those of you unfamiliar with the term Chutzpah, let me introduce you.

Its a Yiddish word, generally the equivalent of Balls. As in "That took some Balls." But with a little more oomph. Chutzpah is like my last posts title, the "oh no she di-int" of the Jewish variety. You NorthEast-Coasters know all about Chutzpah. No disprespect to you West-Coasters, but please, y'all live on the edge of Wus Cliff. Us New Yorkers have got the Chutzpah in spades. And the Jersey gang is much much more fierce.

SO - To Illustrate:

My library has a bad rep as a place where lots of things grow legs and walk away. Gloves out of coat pockets, cell phones, ... you name it, it will be taken from you. The staff is in a state of denial that there is a thief among us, but, c'mon people, get a clue.

So everyone seems to be a bit paranoid about their things. And I don't discourage this paranoia -- They certainly have a right to be scared. I mean, our Piano Bench walked away. A piano bench!

So this guy brings his lunch to work one day -- A lame frozen dinner -- and places it in the freezer. Makes sense. But then, he decides he wants to go out to dinner. Also makes sense. So he leaves said frozen block in the freezer, and heads out. Comes back the next day, checks the freezer, and the item is still there. Hooray.

Two days later, checks freezer, and lunch/dinner is still there. Perfect. He still doesn't find it appetizing, and leaves it there for another time.

Next day, finally decides its time to nuke up the frozen meal. Goes to the freezer, takes out the box, And It Is EMPTY.
Yes. That's right. Someone stole his lunch, then left the empty box in the freezer.

That my friends, is Chutzpah.

Oh No She Di'int!

Yea Grrl, She Did!

I tell you --Working Mothers are the most hated people in the world. Oh. Excuse Me. "Mothers Who Work OUTSIDE the Home" are the most hated people ... Truly, we get no respect from anyone. Even other working moms can't be consistent in sticking up for one another.

SO - Let me set this up for you. Its the last day of nursery school for my 4 year old son. They have a little "Graduation" ceremony (a celebration of mediocrity, anyone!? Like, even the paste-eater gets a prize..) So I take a day off from work to attend. I have to. Thats what working moms do -- they take off personal days for their kids, sick days for the kids, vacation days,... you get the idea.

Now, being the harried crazy lady that I am, and being that I am persistantly torn between home and work life, I decide to make the most of this Personal Day and schedule my sons birthday party for the same day as the "Graduation." Makes sense. I'm a multitasker.

So we send out invitations, make the arrangements, order the cake, blah blah, and then we wait for the RSVPs to come in. BTW -- I believe ONE other kid in the class of 10 has a mom who "works outside the home." The others, while home, also have nannies, tennis instructors, large SUVs,beach club cabannas.... you get the idea.

THE DAY BEFORE THE PARTY the "sorry we cant make it"s come in. Turns out this "Graduation" is a big photo/video shoot event, and all the grandparents are coming in for it, and then Lunch Dates are following straight after.

So - ONE kid from his school comes to his party. Thank goodness for my high quality neighboors, and their kind hearts, because they all pretty much came. So it was 7 kids total, rather than 16. Saved me some money, I suppose. Thankfully 4 year olds dont notice much.

But heres the kicker - The crux of the matter, and the reason why I am telling you this tale.

We're at "Graduation" and one of the "work Inside the home" moms comes up to my husband and I, and says
"You know, you really should have changed the date of the party to like another day, so we could all go. Why don't you have it on like a Thursday or Friday, at like Sickles Park, at like 3:00, so we can all go? Like, it really was such a bad idea to have the party today. What were you thinking?"

I reply "Well, you see, I can only take so many days off work, and since I already had today off for "Graduation," for me, it was a perfect day for the party."

To which she replies "Well, Chris here (thats my husband) is really the Token Mom of the group, since he does drop off and pick up, so he can just throw the party together by himself!"

Folks, I swear, you could feel the anger in the air. It took every bit of strength for Chris & I to not strangle her and dump her 85 pound body into the Navesink.

Ok, I'm It

So - I've been tagged! Hilarious, since I've broken just about every blogging rule there is, to date., so who knew there were people still hanging on, when I am such an awful blogger? But thanks to Chris for including me in this game! She can be found here.

So - Tagged means, "Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog."

Ok, here we go folks, 8 facts:
1. I'm addicted to playing Zuma on the XBox 360. Love It. Can't go a day without it. I am finally understanding what all this video game addiction is about.

2. If I could spend a day doing anything at all that I wanted to do... I would spend my time sleeping. Seriously. I love my bed, love my house, love my jammies, and would do just about anything to just have an entire day to sleep.

3. I seriously believe that when I meet a woman with lots of makeup on that she's hiding something. No, not the obvious facial scar or whatnot, but really truly hiding something within her persona. I've tested my theory out in my 30+ years of observing and learning about people,and I have come to the conclusion that makeup wearers are somewhat false people... Sorry ladies, take it from whence it comes

4. My favorite smell is eucalyptus. Did I even spell that right? But yes, if I could smell that all day, I'd be a happy camper.

5. I love singing on the top of my lungs when I'm in the car alone. Who doesn't? Cheesier the song the better, like a ridiculous Journey song... any one hearing "when the lights go down in the city.." in their heads right now?

6. My favorite movie is actually a tie for 1st place : Xanadu or Tremors. Olivia Newton John vs. Kevin Bacon... That's just too hard to call! Love them both.

7. I once met Robin Williams and his kid at the San Diego Zoo. I was 14 or 15 years old. After growing up with Mork N'Mindy, I was thrilled to see the 2 of them all by themselves by the monkey house. I very shyly stepped up and said hello, and Robin Williams told me get lost -- and then started ranting that he couldn't go the f-ing zoo without f-ing idiots like me bothering him. I was stunned. I almost cried. But instead, I pulled myself together and with as much tart and sarcasm I could muster said "Thank you so much for being such a really wonderful guy. I hope you have a terrific day" and stormed off to cry to my mom.

8. What's left to say!!? I love a good meal out, but I find the best meals I've ever had are the ones I've cooked myself, where other people have eaten and enjoyed them.

So - Now I am tagging people I have never met, but who's blogs I totally love:

Vampire Librarian
Tiny Little Librarian
Well Dressed Librarian
Tales from the Liberry
The Society for Librarians* who say Mofo
Librarian with Style
Short and Sweet Like Me
Zach Braff Couldn't hurt to try a celebrity, right? And he is just about the funniest man on tv these days...