alone time

So, like what is it with me that I have such a hard time figuring out what the heck to do with myself when I have some time alone? Case in point: this morning. Its a Monday, but I have off today because my husband has jury duty, and someone has to be here to watch the kids. But one is off at camp, and the other is sleeping. I too should be sleeping, but instead, I have been up since 6:30, wishing like crazy I was tired and could just go back to sleep!!!

So I'm up. And the house is quiet. And I'm like lookin around like 'hmmm, oh-kayyy,.. now what!?' What is wrong with me! I could clean, but who wants to spend their free alone time cleaning? I could pay the bills, but, well, I just did that! I could watch tv, but ... Why!? I guess I could read... but I'm really not in the mood. ARGHH. So here I am writing this horribly boring post, and here I am clicking Publish!

A Very Merry Un-Birthday To Me

To me? To me! A very merry un-birthday to me! Its been one year since I've been blogging! So far, so good. I thank you for taking the time to laugh with me.

When I was a kid my family used to laugh at me for being over-dramatic. For saying thigs like "I hate water." In fact, they used to say that I had created the largest list of "I hate______" and whenever I started a sentence by telling them something I hated, they asked me which volume of which book that one was in.

So here's a few I've been thinking of recently:

I hate the universal symbol for "money." You know, like when a person rubs their thumb against the other fingers in their hand, to symbolize moolah/money/dough/whatever. I just hate that. Cut it out already, you look stupid.

I hate the words "pet peeve." They make no sense. At least, they make no sense to me. Perhaps I dont know enough about that saying [Harlan Ellison says that you dont have the right to your own opinion. You only have the right to your INFORMED opinion, and being that perhaps I'm not informed, maybe its unfair to say pet peeve is worthy of hate... but I digress] to say its ridiculous, and I am a librarian, so I should be able to figure out its etymology, but I'm feeling lazy, and lets just say, for arguments sake, that saying "pet peeve" is truly dumb. Pets are good -- you feed them, play with them, make them a part of your family. And what the heck is a peeve? I just hate it. Wait -- here's a dictionary next to me -- lets see what Websters has to say....ughh.. here it is "pet peeve, noun, 1919, a frequent subject of complaint"... well, I still hate it. And no, pet peeve is not a pet peeve of mine, I just simply dont like it. Period.

And lastly, the cap-er of the day, I do hate water. To drink. Really. And I drink it, I do, but I hate it just the same. Sorry family, I'm just weird I guess!

Dear Deer

Dear Deer,

Please stop playing on the side of the Garden State Parkway at night. You're scaring the crap out of me. I see your eyes reflected in my headlights, an eerie greenish yellow, and I imagine you running out in front of my car, causing me to swerve into the car next to me, going 80 plus mph, the car then leaving the ground, flipping flipping flipping, my head severing from my body as we do one more awful fip onto the pavement, glass shattering everywhere, blood splattering, and you just merrily hopping away to the other side of the highway. I know we've encroached upon your spot on the earth, but have mercy, dear deer, and let me get home safely to my slumbering kids.

Struck a Chord

Ahh... Music! I love music. All kinds. I love music that brings back memories, brings you back to a happier place, makes you feel whole again, renews your spirit. Here's a random listing of songs, artists, memories:

Favorite Voices: Matt Johnson (The The), Paul Weller (The Jam & Style Council), Elvis Costello.

Albumn that I listen to if I'm feeling melancholy and want to kick myself in the ass: The The's Soul Mining

Albumn I'm embarrassed that I totally love: Duran Duran's Rio

Best Summer Driving Song: Bruce's Born to Run

Albumn I love to listen to if I'm getting ready for a hot date: New Order's Substance

Albumn I listen to if I feel like reminicing about those dreaded teen years: The Cure's The Head on the Door, or perhaps The Violent Femmes 1st albumn

Band that got me through High School and all the drama: Madness

Song that makes me immediately go out and buy a pack of smokes: Last Ciggarette by Dramarama

Oh - another voice I totally love : the lead singer of The Smithereens.

When I used to have a POS car that had no radio, the songs I used to sing to myself on the top of my lungs while driving to work:
Take It Easy by the Eagles
Slip Sliding Away by Paul Simon, or sometimes Kodachrome
In A Lonely Place by the Smithereens, or Behind The Wall of Sleep
That 10,000 Maniacs song that I dont know the title to, and i've never bought the albumn, but it has the line "shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather"

Song I used as a lullaby for my daughter because I never really learned any real lullabies, but it seemed to work: Sweet Baby James by James Taylor

Band that could do no wrong: Led Zeppelin. And I always waiver about my favorite Zep song -- Fool In the Rain? Misty Mountain Hop? Ramble On?

Song I totally love, and my husband makes fun of me for singing along to it: Spirit In the Sky. Who doesn't love that song? Yea, yea, I know... I dont believe in Jesus, but still, its a funky fantastic song.

First albumn I ever had: a 45 of Thin Lizzy's The Boys are Back In Town. Always bring a smile when I hear it.

Best Song to start off a long road trip: LA Woman by the Doors

Best Song to end a long road trip: Keep the Customer Satisfied by Simon and Garfunkel

Song that makes me think of my first boyfriend: In Your Wildest Dreams by the Moody Blues

Song that makes me think of my first kiss: Boys of Summer by Don Henley

Song that makes me want to have sex: Desperate but not Serious by Adam and the Ants

Song with the absolute best intro: India by the Psychedelic Furs

If I had a theme song, it would be: Aint No Stoppin Us Now

Band that makes me happy: Grateful Dead

Band that makes me laugh: The Smiths

Song that make me cry: Cat Stevens' Father and Son. i dont even like thinking about it -- I get all teary just at the thought.

Voices that makes me think of my dad: Jim Croce, Paul Simon, and Willie Nelson

Song I want played at my funeral: The Crystal Ship by the Doors

Our wedding song: Youre the Best Thing by the Style Council

Most underrated U2 song: Hawkmoon 269

Song that makes me think of you: 500 Miles by the Proclaimers

the gob stops here

MEN! What is it with you and spitting!? No, no, I don't mean to address those of you who chaw (although that is utterly disgusting too, but we can discuss later if you like)... I mean those of you who, while driving down the road, in your big stupid trucks, roll down your window and spit a disgusting repulsive spray of white foam from between your two rotten front teeth, where the gob flies through the air for all to see, where it lands Splat in the road for all of us to drive over, or, perish the thought, step on when we later cross same said street.

What is wrong with you?

What did you eat that was so disgusting that you must rid your mouth of its flavor?

What kind of ailment do you suffer from that causes you to hock a luggey on the sidewalk, in public, when the streets are teeming with people everywhere?

Do you understand how awfully unattractive you look?

Is it something to do with testosterone? because I've never seen a woman do that. Is is like a male phenomena? Are you producing an overabundance of saliva? Do you suffer from wet mouth?

Can you imagine if this was like a real medical condition and they made a drug for it, and they advertised it on tv along with all the other stupid drug commercials: There would be Stupid Ted, suffering, and spitting out his car window on his way to work, and then the scene of him at work, stepping outside to spit, or in the bathroom, spitting, and the voiceover of "does habitual spitting ruin your life?" and then Stupid Ted on a dinner date and him having to excuse himself while he spits into a cup during his meal, and his date giving him a look of "oh, my poor honey, ... he can't stop spitting... he's got habitual repetitive salivary gland malfunction.." and then they would show you the drug, and then very fast tell you "Spatu-lock, while very good for habitual repetitive salivary gland malfunction, should be taken only under the advice of a medical doctor, and should not be mixed with alcohol. Side effects could range from mild to severe, and may include: incontinence, headache, nausea, or dry mouth." And everyone at home would yell at the tv "Dry Mouth! The sap can't stop spitting! He would love a dry mouth!"

In the meantime though, as far as I know, this is not a medical condition. Its a stupidity condition. Its as unattractive as when you guys fix yourselves in public. Now don't get your jockeys in a twist, -- You kow what I mean -- We all know you're not searching your pocket for a quarter, so There! I said it! We all think it! Its disgusting and just cut it out already!

independence day

4th of July rocks. The fireworks in RB were totally awesome, and I'm not sure which was better, the light show, or the people show. At one point I was sitting watching the crowd move past me, and it kinda reminded me of that strange camera angle in Lost where you just see the scrubby feet and disheveled legs walk by you -- some people were in seriously bad condition, and yet others it was like a night out in the city. Hilarious to see. Great to be a part of.

In other news, I made eye contact with anti-rights man during an easing of the brakes traffic moment, and gave him the finger in slo-mo. It made my morning to see his little beady eyes scowl at me as he acknowledged my f.u. to him and his retarded presence on the sidewalk. He is still there, every day, and every day I want to run him over. This relationship is seriously not healthy.

Lastly, to quote a really stupid tee shirt that all too many posers wear these days, Life Is Good. It is. Even with all the mean people and idiotic drivers, and friends and family who constantly knock you down and beat you up... Still, its good. I am reveling in my dishevelment, and I Feel Fine.