Dear Deer

Dear Deer,

Please stop playing on the side of the Garden State Parkway at night. You're scaring the crap out of me. I see your eyes reflected in my headlights, an eerie greenish yellow, and I imagine you running out in front of my car, causing me to swerve into the car next to me, going 80 plus mph, the car then leaving the ground, flipping flipping flipping, my head severing from my body as we do one more awful fip onto the pavement, glass shattering everywhere, blood splattering, and you just merrily hopping away to the other side of the highway. I know we've encroached upon your spot on the earth, but have mercy, dear deer, and let me get home safely to my slumbering kids.