the gob stops here
MEN! What is it with you and spitting!? No, no, I don't mean to address those of you who chaw (although that is utterly disgusting too, but we can discuss later if you like)... I mean those of you who, while driving down the road, in your big stupid trucks, roll down your window and spit a disgusting repulsive spray of white foam from between your two rotten front teeth, where the gob flies through the air for all to see, where it lands Splat in the road for all of us to drive over, or, perish the thought, step on when we later cross same said street.
What is wrong with you?
What did you eat that was so disgusting that you must rid your mouth of its flavor?
What kind of ailment do you suffer from that causes you to hock a luggey on the sidewalk, in public, when the streets are teeming with people everywhere?
Do you understand how awfully unattractive you look?
Is it something to do with testosterone? because I've never seen a woman do that. Is is like a male phenomena? Are you producing an overabundance of saliva? Do you suffer from wet mouth?
Can you imagine if this was like a real medical condition and they made a drug for it, and they advertised it on tv along with all the other stupid drug commercials: There would be Stupid Ted, suffering, and spitting out his car window on his way to work, and then the scene of him at work, stepping outside to spit, or in the bathroom, spitting, and the voiceover of "does habitual spitting ruin your life?" and then Stupid Ted on a dinner date and him having to excuse himself while he spits into a cup during his meal, and his date giving him a look of "oh, my poor honey, ... he can't stop spitting... he's got habitual repetitive salivary gland malfunction.." and then they would show you the drug, and then very fast tell you "Spatu-lock, while very good for habitual repetitive salivary gland malfunction, should be taken only under the advice of a medical doctor, and should not be mixed with alcohol. Side effects could range from mild to severe, and may include: incontinence, headache, nausea, or dry mouth." And everyone at home would yell at the tv "Dry Mouth! The sap can't stop spitting! He would love a dry mouth!"
In the meantime though, as far as I know, this is not a medical condition. Its a stupidity condition. Its as unattractive as when you guys fix yourselves in public. Now don't get your jockeys in a twist, -- You kow what I mean -- We all know you're not searching your pocket for a quarter, so There! I said it! We all think it! Its disgusting and just cut it out already!
What is wrong with you?
What did you eat that was so disgusting that you must rid your mouth of its flavor?
What kind of ailment do you suffer from that causes you to hock a luggey on the sidewalk, in public, when the streets are teeming with people everywhere?
Do you understand how awfully unattractive you look?
Is it something to do with testosterone? because I've never seen a woman do that. Is is like a male phenomena? Are you producing an overabundance of saliva? Do you suffer from wet mouth?
Can you imagine if this was like a real medical condition and they made a drug for it, and they advertised it on tv along with all the other stupid drug commercials: There would be Stupid Ted, suffering, and spitting out his car window on his way to work, and then the scene of him at work, stepping outside to spit, or in the bathroom, spitting, and the voiceover of "does habitual spitting ruin your life?" and then Stupid Ted on a dinner date and him having to excuse himself while he spits into a cup during his meal, and his date giving him a look of "oh, my poor honey, ... he can't stop spitting... he's got habitual repetitive salivary gland malfunction.." and then they would show you the drug, and then very fast tell you "Spatu-lock, while very good for habitual repetitive salivary gland malfunction, should be taken only under the advice of a medical doctor, and should not be mixed with alcohol. Side effects could range from mild to severe, and may include: incontinence, headache, nausea, or dry mouth." And everyone at home would yell at the tv "Dry Mouth! The sap can't stop spitting! He would love a dry mouth!"
In the meantime though, as far as I know, this is not a medical condition. Its a stupidity condition. Its as unattractive as when you guys fix yourselves in public. Now don't get your jockeys in a twist, -- You kow what I mean -- We all know you're not searching your pocket for a quarter, so There! I said it! We all think it! Its disgusting and just cut it out already!
posted by sara @ 9:26 PM
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