to thine ownself be true

whatever happened to the truth shall set you free? whose truth? what is true for one, may not be true to another. Can you BE someone elses truth? I think not. I think if you try to conform yourself to what others try to push onto you, all you are doing is hurting yourself. You must go with what feels right FOR YOU. Period. Forget all the horseshit and drama of playing nice, being fair, seeing both sides -- go with your gut, then take the consequences. At least you did what was the truth for YOU. And if what you do is wrong, what of it? Can you live with yourself for having done something, and failed? Why not fail? How can you ever succeed without ever failing? Perfect Is Boring. Perfect Is Not Real. Why hold yourself up to the standard of Perfect, when it Does Not Exist? People make mistakes all the time. Better than that -- better still -- people forgive -- all the time. And in forgiving, they may never see your truth, but they accept that its there, and its real - to you. to thine ownself be true.

peace out

can't get there from here

15 minutes till school time, can't find my keys. husband is on the road, a few towns away. search everywhere -- rip the house top to bottom -- no freakin keys!!! call my neighboor - "feel like taking a drive?" "why not take my car?" "take your car?" "yeah - come on over....want me to back it out of the driveway for you?" ??? "nah.. I'll be fine..."

"The car" was the size of a winnebago. The driveway has a small retaining wall on the passenger side. Reversing gently, gently now, watching, looking, hitching myself up in the seat to see out the back window that's a mere 30 feet from where I'm sitting....There's a pedestrian and her kid walking behind the car! Brake! Watching the little kid get safely out of my way, watching her, smiling, reversing...I scrape the brick retaining wall with a crunching errrrr -- put it in drive, correct myself, back into reverse, try again -- ok -- we're on the road -- school starts...Now! Shit! Fly through town, get to the school, push open the escape hatch (huge f-ing door) and FALL OUT OF THE CAR. Left leg (heel actually) hits the pavement as the right leg gets twisted under me, still up inside by the seat. "The car" was so high off the ground, and I am so flippin short, I literally flung myself heel&ass-first into the abyss of the parking lot. Embarrased? yes. Hurt? perhaps a little sprain. Still keep the momentum going and get my kid out of the backseat, into the school, and smile so sweetly at the teacher like nothing is out of the ordinary? most definately.
I got my kid to school only 3 minutes late.

I am a superhero mom!!

where have all the good times gone?

I know I'm getting old because the music I loved as a pre-teen/teen is now the "muzak" being played in dr. waiting rooms, food stores, and gas stations. how awful is that? it used to be that my parents music was un-cool. Now its mine! I swear at one point that stuff was rock -- now its sappy 80's drama music.


I know I'm getting old because my husband and I are invited to a friends daughters wedding. Last summer we went to a friends sons wedding. this is completely pathetic. and -- to top it all off -- the music they play at these things is like way too loud!

this all said, however, I realize I'm still just in my 30's -- but when my birthday hits next month I'm not so sure I'll be happy about it.

No new tale to tell

Someone recently told me that when you don't hear from someone in a while, it means they have gone into hibernation, usually because they have something goin on in their life, and so they need to take a time out from people. I agree. I've lately been pulled in so many different directions, I was truly incapable of blogging, let alone having a time to gather my thoughts coherently enough so that I could blog. my apologies.

Question: why are customer service people so nasty? The pharmacy lady told me she couldn't fill my rx until tomorrow --and asked me, "can you see we're real busy?" with a dismissive wave of her hand to the rather empty desk, which I suppose had a bit of paperwork around her. Is not every single person on this entire freakin planet Busy? I mean, even the manicured spa people are busy. Even when they are getting facials, they are busy improving the quality of their pores, right? They are busy. I am busy. We all do lots of things to fill up our time. Never not once are we not busy. So don't tell me about busy, lady -- do your job, get me my meds, and shut it. We're all Busy.

Question: why does your crying mean I should forgive you? A "friend"(read: person I have to put up with) did something real real stupid and bad. She got caught. I confronted her. She apologized through a haze of tears and "didn't mean to's". The tears did nothing for her case -- it just made her seem more guilty. In fact, I was ready to forgive, and then the tears came, and then I got angry again. I felt like recinding my "its ok" and going back to square one of not talking to her. In fact, Game On. No Deal with that apology thing. Your guilty tears make me completely disbelieve you.

Question: why am I good enough to throw a party, but not good enough for a dinner? No, I'm not canceling the party, but really now...

Question: when you are going in for a "procedure" where you will be naked and unconscious, aren't you in the tiniest bit truly freaked out? I mean, they are doctors. right. But they are also people. And trusting people, as we all know, can get you nothing but trouble.