Brow Beaten

So I go to get my eyebrows waxed at this place where I get my nails done. It is a shop run strictly by Korean and Spanish women, and no one there speaks English except for the customers, but that's ok, because they are totally awsome with nails. The person I used to get my eyebrows done by no longer has a salon, so I'm in the midst of an eyebrow emergency and figure, what the heck, I'll get em done here. So I go in, say "eyebrows?" and pantomine eyebrow waxing, and the Korean lady nods her head, and ushers me into a little room.

Now - the lady who used to do my eyebrows would sit me in a chair, and we would face each other, and talk, and she would wax my brows with me sitting straight up in the chair. 2 minutes, and its over. A little sting, but worth it.

Here - this lady asks me to lay (lie?) down on a bed like thing, which I think is awkward, but I'll go with it, cause, like I said, this is an eyebrow emergency.
So - if you've never gotten a brow wax before, I'll tell you 2 things. 1. It hurts like hell, and 2. The cardinal rule is Keep Your Eyes Shut. No one wants a hot wax poker jabbing them in the eye. Stay still and you'll get out of there with a minimum of discomfort.

So - I am laying (lying?) there, keeping my eyes shut, and the nice Korean lady starts applying the wax. And she's applying to one brow, then another, then the middle -- appying away -- but not ripping. Here, I stop again, and I'll tell you -- usually its apply wax/rip/appy wax/rip. That's the usual scenario. She Is Not Ripping. More wax. And more. And more. I have a molten lava facial going on here and I'm starting to get squeemish.

Ok. So she gets the paper-y/cloth-y stuff, Finally, and starts to RIP. I think I actually feel a piece of my eyelid come off. Yeow!! I keep my eyes shut as she rip rip rip rip rips for what seems like a frickin eternity. Then, I feel/hear the tweezers. I absolutely Hate Tweezers. Why ask for a wax, and then have them tweeze you? I don't get it. But anyway, usually this signals we're almost done.

No Go. THEN, I hear and feel a Scizzor! Holy Mother Of G-d What Have I Done? Did she think I said Remove my brows?! Does she think I want them Gone a-la Bob-Geldof-style? Am I going to have to Draw them on with a f-ing pencil?!!! Snip snip snip -- she's snipping away like some crazy demon. I am breathing in her hot demon breath because our faces are so close and she's so intense in the snipping and tweezing. Tears are streaming out of my eyes, the pain is unbearable.

Finally, it's over. She rubs some cream on my eyes, powders my face, grabs me by the elbow to help me sit up, and shoves a mirror into my hands. "You Like?"

I am astonished. My brows are so narrow, so thin, so miniscule -- I Can't Even Make An Expression. It's like they don't work anymore. They can't move because they have been whittled down to these littly teeny black lines. So. That is my story. My lesson to you is -- Beware of the Brow Beater!!