Sound bytes

Do you ever just stop for a second and listen to what the heck you are saying? I work as a branch manager, so of course I answer many many questions during the day. Here are some random answers from things that I was asked in the course of one very long day:

"And so you decided to re-write Shakespeare?"

"Yes, Johnny Depp is delicious."

"No, I don't think its a good idea to open the dvd cases with a mallet."

"Why do you think its so hard to work here?" (said to the person that makes working here incredibly hard for others)

"Well, the way it works, is that if you work 20 hours, and take 7 hours of vacation, and 7 hours were a holiday, and 1 hour was sick, then your timesheet should say 20 + 7V + 7H + 1S = 35...." (which I then repeated about 15 more times until people just gave up and decided it was best just to go along with it.)

"Yes, I think that if you are unsure of how to do it, you should ask for help"

"No, our building is not on Monmouth and 2nd Ave." (Said to the person IN the library, who clarified with me our correct address, but then asked if we were on a completely different corner. It was totally amusing. In their defense, the library did move about 10 years ago from that corner, but it was pretty funny all the same to be asked a few times a few varying ways the same question.

"No, I am not 'out to get' anyone. I swear!"

"Everything that happened thus far was under the direct orders from X, and now X is telling you to ask me why I did everything incorrectly!?"

And lastly, my fave of the day...
"Yes, I do think that when a customer stands by the automatic door it should automatically open."