DHMBIS

Don't hate me because I'm stupid... Tales of the Ride Home, Part 1

So I worked late tonight - till 9pm, and headed home. It was a beautiful hot summer night, windows down, radio blaring, and I'm floating along at a cool 55mph singing "heaven help me, heaven help me, take this stranger, from my boat..." It's "I'm Your Captain," and if you are ever driving on a hot summer night with the windows down, and are cruising along a 2 lane old country road, you'll know what sheer enjoyment that is.

So then, I catch up to the car in front of me -- An old van going about 30 mph. And I'm still singing "I'm getting closer to my home..." and enjoying myself, but then this bit of going 20 miles per hour under the speed limit starts to have its effect. Its like killing my mood, like one big buzz kill to have this hulking van in front of me with the tapping of the brakes and the not being able to see around him, and the song being ruined and all. I mean, it's Grand Funk Railroad, for the love of g-d -- Get a move on!

So my inner Jeckyl/Hyde takes over, and I slam my wrist into the steering thingy to honk at this slow poke who must be just a frickin moron, and the horn sounds, and then IT GETS STUCK. Yes. Stuck. In the BLARING HORN mode that I didn't know existed.

So then Slow Guy is so flippin slow, we get stopped at the only traffic light in this back-wooded road, and I have to sit there cringing and shrinking into my seat as the horn just blares on.

Needless to say, I missed the end of the song.

I drive a mile or so up the road to a gas station and jump out of the car, horn still lighting up the night with its raucous note. I THINK I HAVE A PROBLEM - I say to the gas attendant. He throws down his cigarette and motions to me to pop the hood, since talking is kinda out of the question.

A kid comes up on a bicycle and asks WHAT DID YOU DO

A lady walks out of her house across the street from the gas station, hands on hips, and scowls at me.

The gas guy can't seem to figure anything out, so he calls the owner of the gas station, while I call triple A, who, by the way, was very nice to me on the phone, considering I couldn't really hear what she was saying, but I very clearly did hear her laugh when I said it would be impossible for me to wait an hour like this, and couldn't the guy come right away!?

So then I take out the owners manual in my glove, thinking perhaps GM could shed some light on how the heck to turn off the horn.

Page 117 of my manual, under HORN, states, that to activate the horn one must depress the little horn symbol on the steering column. Thanks. Thanks. No really. That is very helpful.

About 15 minutes later, gas guy and his trusty flashlight find the tiny little tab you need to pull out to make the horn stop. People -- its the size of my pinky finger nail.

I call AAA, cancel my distress call, and turn to face the 2 gas guys and kid on bike. How did this happen? they all want to know. And I did it. The thing I hate to do, but at the moment, I just couldn't bring myself to tell them the awful truth, so I said "I don't know - I was just driving along, and it went off," (once I hit it, I say in my head) -- I just couldn't be honest at that moment in time. I felt like such an idiot. And it was late. And a long day. And I just wanted to crawl under the car and hide my head in shame.

So - I've told you the truth of the matter. I'm a crazy lady NJ driver who had a bit of lite road rage gone awry. I guess this lesson is learned. Honking is No Good. Got It. Won't happen again.

At least, not until I get my car fixed! :)