disheveled

where i've been

2008-10-25T19:14:00.002-04:00

oh boy -- moved, got a new job, and have been runnin on empty!

but life is good. the new library is challenging, to say the least!

Home Again

2008-04-30T19:24:00.002-04:00

So - before I begin what I thought I would blog about, let me tell you... This is my 100th post! Who knew?! I didn't even know until I just logged in right now and saw on my dashboard that I had written 99 posts... so then this must be number 100. How cool. For other bloggers, I suppose the 100 milestone may not be all that important -- they can do that in just a few months, while for me, its taken years -- but you have to understand that I am the kind of person where doing ANYTHING for the 100th time is a miracle. As you can already tell from the sporadic and downright disturbing infrequency of my blogging... I dont stick with things as a "regular" thing... I am, should I say... Disheveled!

So - back to what I came here to write about... The Jersey Girl is back in town! As some of you know, I recently moved away from the great Garden State to become a director, but, the draw of the ocean was too much for me,.... Nah! I'm really here because of prior commitments to the NJLA Spring Conference. And its funny to see old friends, old "enemies!?" (do librarians really have enemies?? I'd like to just call them "haters"), and old acquaintances. The past 2 days have been really great, and we have one more to go tomorrow.

Which leads me to the question of today .... What songs make you think of returning home again? Here are 3 off the top of my head:

Thin Lizzy: The Boys Are Back In Town
U2: A Sort Of Homecomming
Simon & Garfunkel: Keep The Customer Satisfied

A rather hodge-podge of old and older, if I do say so myself! Can you think of those quintessential tunes that remind you of coming back home again? Drop me a line if you do!

Also - Lastly -- Since this Jersey Girl has made her way to a new state and a new job, she's also created a new blog to document the journey. If you are interested in reading all about it, send me an email and I'll send you the link. In the meantime, I will try to post to Disheveled when I can -- I can't say it will be with any regularity, but it (hopefully) will be worth it!

I am Green Lantern!

2008-04-02T23:35:00.000-04:00

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern		90%
Spider-Man		80%
Batman		80%
Superman		75%
Supergirl		75%
Wonder Woman		65%
Robin		57%
Hulk		55%
Iron Man		55%
Catwoman		50%
The Flash		20%

Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Coming Home

2007-12-24T10:42:00.001-05:00

Welcome back, O Faithful Reader! Sorry it has been so long!

I have been truly sick lately. Even a trip to the ER has not been able to remedy whatever it is that is running amuck in my belly. Its like swallowing fire, and having mini volcanoes exploding all the time in my intestines -- sometimes its by my ribs, sometimes by my back, sometimes in my mid-gut.... Its just awful. I had my gallbladder removed almost 15 years ago, and if I didn't know better, I would swear I grew another one that has gone bad!

So - Being sick, I've been trying not to be too ornery. No one likes a person who is sick and miserable. So since the traditional things of cheering up, such as comfort food, have been out of the question, I've been doing other things.

For instance - I watched Holiday Inn with my kids. Oh Bing! We feel so sorry for you! And Fred Astaire! What a jerk to be so mean to Bing! It was so sweet to curl up with my kids under the big blanket and watch all the dancing and singing.... Just great. Its been too long since I've seen just a regular good old movie. Lately everything we've seen has been trash. I'm too old for things like SuperBad. Totally Not Funny!

For instance, part two -- I went to the bookstore and bought myself one of my all time favorite books, and am reading it again, because it is just so awsomely great. Now, before I tell you what it IS, I will tell you what it ISN'T: My usual authors are Tess Gerritsen, Harlan Coben, Kathy Reichs, the guys that do the Agent Pendergast books (Preston&Child?),... You get the picture -- I like creepy, page turning, suspenseful, and gory... But with character driven plots.

But even having said this, I also love books like Cold Sassy Tree, the Stephanie Plum books, the vampire books by Mary Janice Davidson...books by Joe R.Lansdale... books that are simplistic, silly, or just plain old good reads.

And yet - the one I am reading now is like Coming Home -- It is so familiar (even though I've only read it once before), and so warm and welcoming, it truly is a comfort read, and it is so completely Not what I normally read. It is Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. Haven't picked it up yet? What are you waiting for? Run! This book is fantastic. No -- The Series is fantastic. I can't remember how many there are -- 5? 6? They are each over 600 or 700 pages, but I tell you, it goes by too fast! I just started Outlander yesterday, and I'm on page 242. You will love this book. Pretend that I am Oprah for a moment and I am shouting "Ouuuutttlaaaandeer!!!" to the audience (You!) It's That good. I daresay its in my top 5 - No - top 3 of all books I've ever read.

But I warn you -- Don't go looking on the Internet for other fans of the Outlander series -- I did that once, and it was scary. Fear the Outlander ladies. They're all like "Oh Jamie, Oh Jamie," and yes, the character Jamie is completely gorgeous and Hot does not even cut it, but the book really is about so much more. Claire, the main character, is a woman like no other. The adventures she has are like no other. And yes, the love they have is like no other... But its just so freakin great, you will easily put aside your dislike of romance, historical fiction, blah blah, and get over it quick --- this book is a page turner that will stay with you - truly - as one of the best books you have ever read.

Ahhhh. I feel better already!

Short of stable

2007-10-18T20:40:00.000-04:00

I heard 'Shimmer' by Fuel today and it just seemed so fitting, and yet it didn't fit at all. I was thinking more about work at the time rather than relationships, but somehow it all meshed.

Anyway. I am having a cell phone problem. I dropped my phone the other day and broke the battery. So I got another battery, but now my phone persistently says I have a voice mail, when I don't. Everytime I turn the phone on, it has that voice mail icon all lit up and in the way. I can't seem to lose it -- So , I now Hate My Phone.

Speaking of phones, I was on a train the other day from Baltimore back to NJ, where I overheard the most disturbing thing. I think this goes into the Number One spot in the Top Ten Countdown of Most Inappropriate Things To Say On A Cellphone When There Are Other People Present. Brace yourselves, people.

The man across the aisle from me was explaining to someone (a friend, perhaps?) about how he and his wife had sat their 2 children down (Lilly and Jake) to tell them that mommy's baby had failed to grow and was now not going to be coming into this world. "We told them, sometimes babies just stop growing,"....pause..."yea, Jake didn't understand, but Lilly was a little upset over not getting a baby sister,"...

!!!!!!

Is it in any way disrespectful to the wife that this guy was spilling all this in public on the train to New Jersey? Or, is this kind of a thing OK, and our lives are no longer private? Is it just me?

If you can't say it yourself...

2007-10-04T19:25:00.000-04:00

Then let someone else say it!

And so -- Words to describe my thoughts are brought to you tonight by that fantastically gravelly voiced Jim Reid of the Jesus and Mary Chain

Makes you want to feel
Makes you want to try
Makes you want to blow the stars from the sky
I can't stand up
I can't cool down
I can't get my head up off the ground

what a great track -- go take a listen if you don't know what I mean

Road Trip Part II

2007-09-23T19:54:00.000-04:00

So we made it home. What a fantastic trip! I'm not much of a gambler, and I didn't know what to expect at Mohegan Sun -- but the place was beautiful, very clean, and an amazing amount of fun.

We got there early -- around 3 ish, and headed to the bar. Drinks and people watching. Perfect.

Next up - Gambling -- Slot machines, more drinks, smoking in public, hanging out and laughing.

Time for food -- Sliders at the bar were de-lish. Again, more drinks. By this time I'm starting to feel a little sick, but a walk about, another smoke, and I'm feeling much better.

We wrap our way through Mohegan, and find ourselves in like the Disney of gambling paradise. The place is freakin huge!

Off to the concert then - Joan Jett & the Blackhearts opens. Fan-F-Ing-Tastic, that band can rock. It was everything you wanted to hear, plus a few new ones that were just as good. She had the crowd going, and it was hilarious to watch them from our high in the upper decks view!

Then - lights come up - we make a quick beer run - and then back in for Aerosmith. Only down note was that to get a beer you had to show id. Period. No id, no beer. My sister is 50 years old! But I was the only one carrying an id, so I had to buy a beer on one line, then snake my way through to another line, and buy a beer there... You get the picture. I mean, how dumb is that?

Anyway - So the old boys get on stage, and I have to say, the first 3 or 4 songs were fantastic. Then, I don't know what happened. Next thing I know, Joe and Steve are sittin in chairs, and then Steve's off to the side of the stage for quite a while as the guitars are playing, and then from there I just kinda got bored.... I hate to say that, but they did a Lot of posturing, posing, making faces into the camera, I guess they were being.... Aerosmith! They did do an interesting version of Dream On, and the guy in front of me almost had a heart attack from flailing his arms around so much. The crowd really did make the show so much fun -- there were people of all ages just having a good time, acting goofy, and it was fun to be a part of it all.

So the show ends, and we make our way down the steep stair, and the chick in front of us totally nerfs down the steps, falling into a bunch of those hard plastic melded to the concrete chairs... Unbelievable, and, Hilarious. We waited for her friend to heave her up and onto her feet, and headed out of the stadium.

Coffee, smokes, bed, breakfast, on the road again, and home by mid-morning. Perfect.

Next weekend -- Dude Ranch in Upstate NY with 27 family members -- Stay tuned!

Road Trip

2007-09-20T09:13:00.000-04:00

I'm off today on a Road Trip with my 2 sisters, and Very Psyched. Although we've done tons of family vacations together, its never been just the 3 of us, so this should be really cool, and totally interesting. My sisters are 16 and 14 years older than me, so because of the generational gap, I've always felt a bit out of the loop, but I think this trip will be completely awesome.

And you'll never guess what we're doing.... We're headed up to Mohegan Sun to see Aerosmith! Yikes! I was never a fan, but they should rock -- let's hope.

Is it any wonder

2007-09-15T09:31:00.000-04:00

I was driving around about 2 weeks ago, listening to the radio, and not quite paying attention, when I heard the phrase "is it any wonder" coming out of the song I was listening to, and it struck me -- the song is new -- I can't recall who the artist was... Perhaps a new Smashing Pumpkins, or a new White Stripes song? But anyway, I started to think -- how cool to use that phrase "is it any wonder" -- It says quite a lot in something so simple. Its like, "c'mon, you knew it would be this way, so why are you boggled by it..." I can hear the Bowie classic melody in my head, with the "wonder" part up in high notes, and the Styx song about too much time on his hands.... Is it any wonder... When you put things into perspective like that, it all just makes sense!

Silver Lining

2007-08-16T12:38:00.000-04:00

Something I saw this morning made me stop dead in my tracks and go "What the #*$&!"

It was so unbelievable and horrid, I am Shaken To The Core. Really. Shaken. Like, Can This Be True, Shaken.

I guess I just never expected it.

I mean, I saw the signs elsewhere... A little silver strand here, a little hint of white glimmering there,

...but those were always in my head!

Now, Today, They have Attacked My Eyes!!!

Yes folks, its true. I've been cursed to the Land of Old Age....

I have Not ONE, but TWO ---

GRAY EYELASHES!!!!

And now, I am Doomed! Doomed I tell you! For the rest of my days I will have to mask my horridness in gloopy black mascara! Oh the horror!

DHMBIS

2007-07-25T22:14:00.000-04:00

Don't hate me because I'm stupid... Tales of the Ride Home, Part 1

So I worked late tonight - till 9pm, and headed home. It was a beautiful hot summer night, windows down, radio blaring, and I'm floating along at a cool 55mph singing "heaven help me, heaven help me, take this stranger, from my boat..." It's "I'm Your Captain," and if you are ever driving on a hot summer night with the windows down, and are cruising along a 2 lane old country road, you'll know what sheer enjoyment that is.

So then, I catch up to the car in front of me -- An old van going about 30 mph. And I'm still singing "I'm getting closer to my home..." and enjoying myself, but then this bit of going 20 miles per hour under the speed limit starts to have its effect. Its like killing my mood, like one big buzz kill to have this hulking van in front of me with the tapping of the brakes and the not being able to see around him, and the song being ruined and all. I mean, it's Grand Funk Railroad, for the love of g-d -- Get a move on!

So my inner Jeckyl/Hyde takes over, and I slam my wrist into the steering thingy to honk at this slow poke who must be just a frickin moron, and the horn sounds, and then IT GETS STUCK. Yes. Stuck. In the BLARING HORN mode that I didn't know existed.

So then Slow Guy is so flippin slow, we get stopped at the only traffic light in this back-wooded road, and I have to sit there cringing and shrinking into my seat as the horn just blares on.

Needless to say, I missed the end of the song.

I drive a mile or so up the road to a gas station and jump out of the car, horn still lighting up the night with its raucous note. I THINK I HAVE A PROBLEM - I say to the gas attendant. He throws down his cigarette and motions to me to pop the hood, since talking is kinda out of the question.

A kid comes up on a bicycle and asks WHAT DID YOU DO

A lady walks out of her house across the street from the gas station, hands on hips, and scowls at me.

The gas guy can't seem to figure anything out, so he calls the owner of the gas station, while I call triple A, who, by the way, was very nice to me on the phone, considering I couldn't really hear what she was saying, but I very clearly did hear her laugh when I said it would be impossible for me to wait an hour like this, and couldn't the guy come right away!?

So then I take out the owners manual in my glove, thinking perhaps GM could shed some light on how the heck to turn off the horn.

Page 117 of my manual, under HORN, states, that to activate the horn one must depress the little horn symbol on the steering column. Thanks. Thanks. No really. That is very helpful.

About 15 minutes later, gas guy and his trusty flashlight find the tiny little tab you need to pull out to make the horn stop. People -- its the size of my pinky finger nail.

I call AAA, cancel my distress call, and turn to face the 2 gas guys and kid on bike. How did this happen? they all want to know. And I did it. The thing I hate to do, but at the moment, I just couldn't bring myself to tell them the awful truth, so I said "I don't know - I was just driving along, and it went off," (once I hit it, I say in my head) -- I just couldn't be honest at that moment in time. I felt like such an idiot. And it was late. And a long day. And I just wanted to crawl under the car and hide my head in shame.

So - I've told you the truth of the matter. I'm a crazy lady NJ driver who had a bit of lite road rage gone awry. I guess this lesson is learned. Honking is No Good. Got It. Won't happen again.

At least, not until I get my car fixed! :)

Sound bytes

2007-07-10T21:41:00.000-04:00

Do you ever just stop for a second and listen to what the heck you are saying? I work as a branch manager, so of course I answer many many questions during the day. Here are some random answers from things that I was asked in the course of one very long day:

"And so you decided to re-write Shakespeare?"

"Yes, Johnny Depp is delicious."

"No, I don't think its a good idea to open the dvd cases with a mallet."

"Why do you think its so hard to work here?" (said to the person that makes working here incredibly hard for others)

"Well, the way it works, is that if you work 20 hours, and take 7 hours of vacation, and 7 hours were a holiday, and 1 hour was sick, then your timesheet should say 20 + 7V + 7H + 1S = 35...." (which I then repeated about 15 more times until people just gave up and decided it was best just to go along with it.)

"Yes, I think that if you are unsure of how to do it, you should ask for help"

"No, our building is not on Monmouth and 2nd Ave." (Said to the person IN the library, who clarified with me our correct address, but then asked if we were on a completely different corner. It was totally amusing. In their defense, the library did move about 10 years ago from that corner, but it was pretty funny all the same to be asked a few times a few varying ways the same question.

"No, I am not 'out to get' anyone. I swear!"

"Everything that happened thus far was under the direct orders from X, and now X is telling you to ask me why I did everything incorrectly!?"

And lastly, my fave of the day...
"Yes, I do think that when a customer stands by the automatic door it should automatically open."

Twinkle Twinkle

2007-06-26T21:03:00.000-04:00

The Fireflies are out! Or perhaps you call them Lightening Bugs. Either way, they are really really cool.

To me, seeing the first firefly of the season means that summer is here: there's hot steamy nights ahead, and the smell of bar-b-q's, and sand, and sun-burnt skin with suntan lotion in store for us. The fourth of July is right around the corner -- Next Week! -- with the best fireworks I've ever seen right here in my backyard -- I absolutely love this time of year. I know, its hot, and the AC is kickin into full gear, but Summer at the Shore is really a wonderful thing. Its what makes living in NJ like nothing else...

In the details

2007-06-23T19:22:00.000-04:00

It really is all in the details, isn't it? The difference between good and great -- just right and perfect.

I'm currently reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, the author who wrote The Kite Runner - which, if you've never read, is really fantastic. This book is proving to be even better. Absolutely mesmerising. I've been reading it for 2 days and I'm already 245 pages into it. For a woman with a full time job, 2 kids, etc., 245 in 2 days is usually virtually impossible, but the book is so fascinating I'm flying through.

But anyway -- to the details. Sometimes I read a passage, and it just fits so well with things I have experienced, and had wanted to put into words, but never could. This one is part of the story and its talking about a 5 year old little girl Mariam, and her mother, Nana:

If she could articulate it, she might have said to Nana that she was tired of being an instrument, of being lied to, laid claim to, used. That she was sick of Nana twisting the truths of their life and making her, Mariam, another of her grievances against the world.

That just about says it all -- to be 5, and to think like that, and to not be able to articulate what you're thinking... I can relate. And the words are so simple, and so simply strung together, but the detail you get within them -- just amazing.

Hell to pay

2007-06-20T19:49:00.000-04:00

Question: If using the lord's name in vain is a sin, then what is it to use your belief in the Lord as an excuse for despicable behaviour? What I mean is, how is it that "religious" people can claim to be so frickin "holy" that they just couldn't possibly be an arrogant s.o.b.

For the most part, I love my job, but I have to say that some days I come home with the opinion that People Just Suck. I mean, they do stupid, mean, arrogant, malicious things, and then try to cover up their asses any way they can. And just when I'm thinking "No one can possibly believe this idiot," people prove me wrong, and they believe the idiot.

I know, I know, I know, and I can hear my mothers voice in my head saying "the world is not fair, sweetie," but SERIOUSLY... I hope to g-d there really is a g-d, and if there is one, I do hope that at some point all those "religiously moral" people there who use and abuse people eventually get to meet their maker and THEN try explaining away all the harm they have caused in their pathetic lives, AND, that when they do stammer, and cough, and cover up, and lie, and back-peddle, and skirt, and twist, and point fingers elsewhere, and question your verbage, and accuse others, and blame their childhoods, and cry, and shake, and basically make a complete and total ass in front of the Allmighty... I hope that THEN, at That Point, that there is Hell To Pay!!!

If Only

2007-06-17T19:30:00.000-04:00

So many times you hear people talk about things "If Only," or sometimes even just "If."
It usually begins with "Dude, what if..." or, "Could you imagine if..." Here are my answers to the most common IF things I get asked.

Q: If you could be a superhero, or have super powers, who would you be, or what powers would you have?
A: Well, I am kinda partial to Wonder Woman. I mean, what 30-something gal isn't? But her invisible jet, and the whole lasso of truth thing make her not something I aspire to. She looks great, don't get me wrong -- but her powers are not that cool. Doesn't really answer the question, but this is my "What If," so there.

If I had to choose a super power, at first, I might say Invisibility. Then within moments I'd change it to Able To Withstand Bullets,etc., like Superman. And then, on further review, I would opt for Never Feels Nauseous, with its advantageous side power of Never Throws Up. Lord, if I could live the rest of my life with never feeling queasy again... aaahhh... what a blessing! I would drink till I ... fell asleep! :)

Q: If you won the lottery, what would you do?
A: Hmmm, depends on the sum. Let's just say I'm set for life, and my kids are set for life. And, for good measure, my great-great-grand kids are set for life.

I would, in no particular order: Have a huge costume party. In a very cool and scary mansion. On Halloween.
I would buy a vacation home on a beach somewhere.
I would buy an RV -- like one of those silver ones -- an "Airstream?" I think they are called. The kind you tug along behind a big truck, not the kind you ride in, and I would travel around the country.
I would buy strangers lunch if they looked nice, or were friendly.
I would make people happy.
I would go back to school and get a doctorate in something cool, like archeology, or anthropology.
Of course, I would do all those other things that lottery winners do: quit my job, take care of my extended family, spend time with my kids all the time.
And last, but not least: SHOES!! I'd buy lots and lots of shoes.

Q: If you were stuck on an island alone, what 5 cds, 5 books, or 5 movies would you like to have with you.

A: cds: Soul Mining by The The, Elvis Costello's Greatest Hits, Antics in the Forbidden Zone by Adam and the Ants, Avalon by Roxy Music, and Aretha Franklin's greatest hits.

books: The complete tales of Winnie the Pooh, Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns, One of the Hap and Leonard books by Joe R. Lansdale -- the one with the squirrel attack -- I forget if that's in Mucho Mojo or Bad Chili. All of those are so good., One of the Myron Bolitar novels by Harlen Coben. They also are absolutely hilarious., and then perhaps either The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff, or The Electric Koolaid Acid Test -- not sure which one.

movies: Could I bring the Lost series, or is it one disc per "movie"...? Well, if box sets were allowed, I would bring all the seasons of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, Lost, Six Feet Under, and then of course, my 2 guilty pleasure movies Xanadu and Tremors. And then perhaps if I could -- Out of Africa. I frickin love that movie. And if I'm stuck on an island, there's no better to look at then Robert Redford!!

Q: If you only had one hour to live, what would you do?
A: Be with my husband and kids snuggling and horsing around--tickling, kissing, and hugging. And Laughing!!

Q: If you could meet any famous person in history, alive or dead, who would you meet?
A: Now this one is a stumper. I've never been able to answer that one. I'd kinda like to meet my great-grandparents. My great-grandmother lived till I was 5, but all my other greats died before I was born. I'd kinda like to meet them all and ask them about getting to this country, and what that was like. If I had to choose a famous person, I suppose it would be Oprah. But not on the show. It'd have to be like a low key thing at her house or something. Just a girls afternoon kinda thing.

Ok. There are many many more Ifs I could bring you, but this is all I can type for now! If you would like to ask other Ifs, or play along yourself, feel free to send me something!

Sidestepping

2007-06-16T08:59:00.000-04:00

So - Its the dreaded Day Before Fathers Day, or, if you wish -- Fathers Day Eve. It was exactly one year ago on the same eve that I fell down and broke my butt. If you don't remember, there's a post all about it in the archives for you. But to bring you up to speed faster, the gist is that in an attempt to make the house "perfect" prior to the morning of Fathers Day, I hastily flung myself down the basement steps while attempting to finish up the laundry. Said flinging resulted in my ass being impaled in the stairway in a frightfully shocking amount of pain and suffering. I then drove myself to the hospital, as it was midnight, and who could we call to watch the kids at that hour, and sheepishly told the teen behind the reception desk that I was there because I had broke my butt. His face is indelibly imprinted in my memory as The Smirk that Lives Forever.

So - This year, today, right now, its Fathers Day Eve, and I am itching to clean the house and make it all "Perfect" so that tomorrow no chores will need to be done, and we can do some sort of "father-ish" thing... what that might be, I have no idea... But in addition to this itch to clean, I have this nagging voice in my head saying "Just sit the hell down, woman! Its Saturday! Relax, you silly type-a neat-freak work-a-holic!" Do I never learn from my mistakes? Don't I know that cleaning the house on Fathers Day Eve is a cursed action, that can only lead to doing something stupid and painfull?

So what do I do today? I feel like I am sidestepping all day long. I can't walk straight and go on with what I feel I must do (clean, idiot!) so I must sidestep my own compass settings and try to figure out something else to do to pass the time....

If only the house wasn't such a mess this would be much easier!! :)

Chutzpah

2007-06-10T11:35:00.000-04:00

For those of you unfamiliar with the term Chutzpah, let me introduce you.

Its a Yiddish word, generally the equivalent of Balls. As in "That took some Balls." But with a little more oomph. Chutzpah is like my last posts title, the "oh no she di-int" of the Jewish variety. You NorthEast-Coasters know all about Chutzpah. No disprespect to you West-Coasters, but please, y'all live on the edge of Wus Cliff. Us New Yorkers have got the Chutzpah in spades. And the Jersey gang is much much more fierce.

SO - To Illustrate:

My library has a bad rep as a place where lots of things grow legs and walk away. Gloves out of coat pockets, cell phones, ... you name it, it will be taken from you. The staff is in a state of denial that there is a thief among us, but, c'mon people, get a clue.

So everyone seems to be a bit paranoid about their things. And I don't discourage this paranoia -- They certainly have a right to be scared. I mean, our Piano Bench walked away. A piano bench!

So this guy brings his lunch to work one day -- A lame frozen dinner -- and places it in the freezer. Makes sense. But then, he decides he wants to go out to dinner. Also makes sense. So he leaves said frozen block in the freezer, and heads out. Comes back the next day, checks the freezer, and the item is still there. Hooray.

Two days later, checks freezer, and lunch/dinner is still there. Perfect. He still doesn't find it appetizing, and leaves it there for another time.

Next day, finally decides its time to nuke up the frozen meal. Goes to the freezer, takes out the box, And It Is EMPTY.
Yes. That's right. Someone stole his lunch, then left the empty box in the freezer.

That my friends, is Chutzpah.

Oh No She Di'int!

2007-06-10T10:30:00.000-04:00

Yea Grrl, She Did!

I tell you --Working Mothers are the most hated people in the world. Oh. Excuse Me. "Mothers Who Work OUTSIDE the Home" are the most hated people ... Truly, we get no respect from anyone. Even other working moms can't be consistent in sticking up for one another.

SO - Let me set this up for you. Its the last day of nursery school for my 4 year old son. They have a little "Graduation" ceremony (a celebration of mediocrity, anyone!? Like, even the paste-eater gets a prize..) So I take a day off from work to attend. I have to. Thats what working moms do -- they take off personal days for their kids, sick days for the kids, vacation days,... you get the idea.

Now, being the harried crazy lady that I am, and being that I am persistantly torn between home and work life, I decide to make the most of this Personal Day and schedule my sons birthday party for the same day as the "Graduation." Makes sense. I'm a multitasker.

So we send out invitations, make the arrangements, order the cake, blah blah, and then we wait for the RSVPs to come in. BTW -- I believe ONE other kid in the class of 10 has a mom who "works outside the home." The others, while home, also have nannies, tennis instructors, large SUVs,beach club cabannas.... you get the idea.

THE DAY BEFORE THE PARTY the "sorry we cant make it"s come in. Turns out this "Graduation" is a big photo/video shoot event, and all the grandparents are coming in for it, and then Lunch Dates are following straight after.

So - ONE kid from his school comes to his party. Thank goodness for my high quality neighboors, and their kind hearts, because they all pretty much came. So it was 7 kids total, rather than 16. Saved me some money, I suppose. Thankfully 4 year olds dont notice much.

But heres the kicker - The crux of the matter, and the reason why I am telling you this tale.

We're at "Graduation" and one of the "work Inside the home" moms comes up to my husband and I, and says
"You know, you really should have changed the date of the party to like another day, so we could all go. Why don't you have it on like a Thursday or Friday, at like Sickles Park, at like 3:00, so we can all go? Like, it really was such a bad idea to have the party today. What were you thinking?"

I reply "Well, you see, I can only take so many days off work, and since I already had today off for "Graduation," for me, it was a perfect day for the party."

To which she replies "Well, Chris here (thats my husband) is really the Token Mom of the group, since he does drop off and pick up, so he can just throw the party together by himself!"

Folks, I swear, you could feel the anger in the air. It took every bit of strength for Chris & I to not strangle her and dump her 85 pound body into the Navesink.

Ok, I'm It

2007-06-03T18:38:00.000-04:00

So - I've been tagged! Hilarious, since I've broken just about every blogging rule there is, to date., so who knew there were people still hanging on, when I am such an awful blogger? But thanks to Chris for including me in this game! She can be found here.

So - Tagged means, "Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog."

Ok, here we go folks, 8 facts:
1. I'm addicted to playing Zuma on the XBox 360. Love It. Can't go a day without it. I am finally understanding what all this video game addiction is about.

2. If I could spend a day doing anything at all that I wanted to do... I would spend my time sleeping. Seriously. I love my bed, love my house, love my jammies, and would do just about anything to just have an entire day to sleep.

3. I seriously believe that when I meet a woman with lots of makeup on that she's hiding something. No, not the obvious facial scar or whatnot, but really truly hiding something within her persona. I've tested my theory out in my 30+ years of observing and learning about people,and I have come to the conclusion that makeup wearers are somewhat false people... Sorry ladies, take it from whence it comes

4. My favorite smell is eucalyptus. Did I even spell that right? But yes, if I could smell that all day, I'd be a happy camper.

5. I love singing on the top of my lungs when I'm in the car alone. Who doesn't? Cheesier the song the better, like a ridiculous Journey song... any one hearing "when the lights go down in the city.." in their heads right now?

6. My favorite movie is actually a tie for 1st place : Xanadu or Tremors. Olivia Newton John vs. Kevin Bacon... That's just too hard to call! Love them both.

7. I once met Robin Williams and his kid at the San Diego Zoo. I was 14 or 15 years old. After growing up with Mork N'Mindy, I was thrilled to see the 2 of them all by themselves by the monkey house. I very shyly stepped up and said hello, and Robin Williams told me get lost -- and then started ranting that he couldn't go the f-ing zoo without f-ing idiots like me bothering him. I was stunned. I almost cried. But instead, I pulled myself together and with as much tart and sarcasm I could muster said "Thank you so much for being such a really wonderful guy. I hope you have a terrific day" and stormed off to cry to my mom.

8. What's left to say!!? I love a good meal out, but I find the best meals I've ever had are the ones I've cooked myself, where other people have eaten and enjoyed them.

So - Now I am tagging people I have never met, but who's blogs I totally love:

Vampire Librarian
Tiny Little Librarian
Well Dressed Librarian
Tales from the Liberry
The Society for Librarians* who say Mofo
Librarian with Style
Short and Sweet Like Me
Zach Braff Couldn't hurt to try a celebrity, right? And he is just about the funniest man on tv these days...

Off the Bus

2007-05-19T12:26:00.000-04:00

Did you ever read Electric KoolAid Acid Test? Well, in it, there's the expression "on the bus" and "off the bus" -- If you're not sure what I'm talking about, read the book, its excellent -- But, the reason I mention this, is I have to say as far as blogging goes, I've been off the bus for a while... My apologies, but seriously, you wouldn't have wanted me to be on.

So - being Back On -- What shinanigans can I tell you about? Bad Behaviour has been rampant here in library land and ... well... its not that interesting :)

Personally, I took my kids "cross country" this spring break. It wasn't all the way across like you picture the big road trip to be, but it was part-way... We flew to New Mexico, and from there, drove old Route 66 to Flagstaff AZ, then left 66 and went down to Tempe and then from there drove to L.A.

I think I could talk for days and weeks on end about this trip, but for space and for your enjoyment sanity, I'll only mentionsome amusing highlights -- The first, was a place we passed in Flagstaff on our way to dinner --

I just love Freedom of Speech!

Another highlight -- When we drove from Tempe to L.A., that was the longest driving day on the journey, spending about 5 hours crossing the dessert. During that time we went through an unbelieveable sand storm, and came out the other side to see the ominous landscape of windmills... It was totally eerie.. Mind you, I was the only one in the car that thought this was horror-movie-esque -- my husband and children proceeded to laugh at me, but seriously, all I could hear was that clickety clacky noises those people made with their teeth in that dark and stupid movie, whos name I totally forget right now ... Dark City? is that it?... Hated It!

Another quick highlight -- We Slept In A Wigwam. Frickin cool.

And lastly, one of the scarier experiences of the trip -- Visiting an ice cave in the middle of nowhere, by way of 3 flights of rickety old wooden stairs carved into the side of an old volcano pit.... Remember the broken butt story of last summer? Me and Stairs just haven't gotten along since! But I Did It -- Yea Me.

freakin awful

2007-02-17T19:59:00.000-05:00

The The's This is the Day (mentioned in an earlier post as one of my favorite birthday songs) is now the music playing in the back of an M&M's commercial. How freakin awful is that? Its like having your favorite song become elevator musac. I didn't think 35 was all that old...

divine

2007-01-23T10:41:00.000-05:00

You know that expression "to err is human, to forgive divine" -- well, that's all well and good, but honestly that just doesn't cover it for things that are more than human errors -- things that are beyond belief. You know, those horrific things in the back of your brain that you kind of pick at like old scars every once in so often, which, in the most minimal sense just give you a bad feeling for a few days, but really when you let it come to the surface can bring you down pretty fast.

So I heard a better one for wrapping my head around some things, and knowing that most people out there also have similar haunting memories, I thought I'd share:

I blame you for nothing.
I forgive you for everything.

Mary J Blige said this --

Makes you think, huh

where i've been

2007-01-04T20:33:00.000-05:00

home. in pj's. doing nothing. It's been WONDERFUL. Before that, i was working my tail off. It was the pre-holiday plus actual holiday madness that took over my life. We celebrate em all, so it takes a village. So I took a break, hung out, drank many bottles of wine, and I think I may have actually gotten my sense of humor back! So -- back to Normal -- Hurrah!

I was driving to work early the other week and right in front of me was Anti-Rights Man. You know the guy -- I think I may have mentioned him once or 5000 times before. He had his back bumper all decked out in his faiths bull-shit stance on The Rights We As Women Have, and HE as a man has no right in the mother-fn world to talk smack about..... So Lord Help Me Not To Ram The Bumper was all I could say to myself. I actually called my husband to talk me down from the Cliffs of Insanity.

As Chris says "L. to the I. to the G" Let It Go. So I let it go. Its gone, but not forgotten.

What else, what else... Oh --- a crazy man came into my office today. Yup. Walked right in. I was listening to music, typing at my computer with my back to the door, and this guy just walked right in and stood there for a bit before saying anything. Creepy. It was one of those moments-- I could Feel Something Was Wrong, so I turned slowly, and there was this guy just staring at me. At first, I thought perhaps he was OK, so I said my usual "Hey, I'm Sara, do you need some help blah blah blah" and at first he was like "What is this room?" and then, pacing "Is this a SCHOOL!!?" I explained, no, this was the library, and this was my office, and what are you in need of, and could I assist you out in the public area where you are supposed to be...but he kept on about my office being an old school... It got weird. And it seemed the only thing to do -- the only logical thing -- was to go along with him with the whole "this was an old school" thing - So I did, and he left, and then I ran around the building doing heavy breathing techniques trying to get my pulse under lock and key so I could go back and work again!

Life is somehow funny again. Thank you crazy many for making my day!

gave it a rest

2006-11-20T08:13:00.000-05:00

So - the headache did lead to actually being sick for a while, then the kids had strep, then... you know what I mean. So I gave the blog a rest for a while. It needed it. I needed it. I was (am) in this kind of funk where things just aren't all that funny anymore. Like, all of a sudden things are Serious. I hate that. But, while I'm in the Serious Mode, let's talk Turkey. Thanksgiving is right around the corner. So what are you thankful for? I was at a charity event the other night and this lady I'm talking to says she has house envy. She wants a bigger house. Now, I've been in her house, and sure, its not HUGE, but its pretty big. 3 levels. A house in the back yard serves as her office. They actually have a yard the size of a football field. Can you really have house envy when some people are living in cars, or on the street? ---- Do you see? This is what I mean by things are just not funny to me anymore. Funny Sara would have laughed and been like "yea, she wants a bigger house, so the maid has a place to crash..." but Serious Sara takes her house envy dead serious and feels angry that this conversation is even taking place. Yecch. Serious funk mojo workin here. Not good. So. Anyway. What are you thankful for? Home? Job? Love-life? Kids? Health? All these things are to be taken seriously. And if you have these things, and perhaps they are not what you expected, but they are Good, well then, I'm thankful for you.

Blinded

2006-10-22T10:27:00.000-04:00

I am blinded by a 2 day headache. Oh - btw - before I begin - Seattle was just incredible. I wish I had more time to explore the city. But from what I saw & did, that place rocks.

So back to my head. I think its been 2 days -- no, maybe its been 3. I have this headache that wont go away. It teases me -- it gets duller, lighter, and I think its lifting, and then like some kind of evil torture device cranking my head tighter, it's back. And its not a migraine. I've had those, but this isn't it. This is a sharp stabbing pain like a railroad tie right between my eyes. But its not centered -- it's kinda like closer to my right eye than my left, which is pissing me off, because I'm a type A kinda girl who likes things Just So, so if this pain could just move a little to the left it'd been symmetrically in line with my head and I'd breathe easier -- but it's hawking my right eye and making me have to close my one eye a bunch and hold my forehead like a delicate china cup.

I'm seriously considering seeing the doc on this one. If I finish off my bottle of Advil and its still hurting, then maybe I'll give it a whirl.

Gone West

2006-10-17T10:03:00.000-04:00

Well, the Jersey Girl has left the state -- Not for good, just for a few days. I'm in Seattle at a training for a library project I'm working on for the Spring.

What a great city! I'm having an awesome time.

Coffee Coffee Coffee... Its everywhere.

I had debated over and over again about bringing a laptop with me on this trip -- I was worried about the whole lugging it hither and yon thing. So I left it home, and I have found a nice litte corner spot with free computer right here at the hotel -- Fabulous. I tell ya, this girl hates to schlep. I'd take the hotel lobby pc any day of the week over schlepping around a heavy old laptop, with the 5 lb. cushy bag to protect its delicate self. I was not amazed, however, to see So Many people in the airport and airplane clicking away on their own bulky machines. What a world. The people in the plane just yabbering away on their cell phones and clicking away on their computers was unreal. No one had a conversation with the person right next to them! When the pilot came on and told people they had to shut off their phones, there was a very distinct electronic hum all around, and you could tell people were getting cranky to have to be incommunicado for the duration of the fight.

So -- I'm off for more coffee!

Another year older

2006-10-08T13:00:00.000-04:00

Song I love to hear on my birthday: This is the day by The The. I highly recommend you take a listen to it if you've never heard it. The lyrics are simple, and can really be used for any kind of a changing day -- a birthday, a wedding, a new job, new home, new anything -- it just works. Brilliant. Matt Johnson rules lyrically:

Well you didn't wake up this morning/ 'cause you didnt go to bed
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red
The calendar on your wall/ is ticking the days off
You've been reading some old letters/ You smile and think how much you've changed
All the money in the world/ couldn't buy back those days

You pull back the curtain
And the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying
Across a clear blue sky

This is the day
Your life will surely change
This is the day
When things fall into place

You could've done anything/ If you'd wanted
And all your friends and family/ Think that you're lucky
But the side of you they'll never see/ Is when you're left alone with the memories
That hold your life/ Together like glue

This is the day
Your life will surely change
This is the day
When things fall into place

toe-tally annoying

2006-10-03T22:10:00.000-04:00

Do you remember that old children's story about the big lion who had a thorn in his paw, and the little mouse came and pulled it out for him? Maybe it was an Aesop's fable, or some such? Well, this big huge lion, king of the jungle, feared by all, was taken down by this annoying thorn in his tender foot. Amazing but true (well, fictional, but still...) stories of the animal kingdom!

Well, I feel like that big mangy lion. I have a sore toe, and for the life of me, I can't seem to concentrate too long on anything, because my TOE is killing me!

When I was 10 years old I was sent to sleep-away camp in the middle of Nowheresville PA, where I refused for my 2 month stint to wear flip flops in the shower. Needless to say, I have battled with plantar warts ever since.

At one time I had 6, then I had none, then years passed, and now for the last year or so, I've had 3. And since the last time me & the warts did battle nothing worked except leaving them the heck alone, I've done pretty much nothing to get rid of them. Which, I can see now, is a mistake. Big Mistake.

Now something has got a-hold of the 2nd toe on my left foot UnderNeath My Toe Nail. Yes, it is Under-Neath my nail! I think its a wart. I'm actually not quite sure. But from the tiny bit of it thats popped out and covered the top of my toe, I'd say it was a wart gone awry.

I've poked it, prodded it, stabbed it with my nail scissor, and yet it remains impenetrable. It doesn't hurt. Most of the time. But sometimes, just when I think I've forgotten about it -- YEEOUCHH!

So- sensibility says -- Get it looked at. Go to the doctor. But, well, the thing is, 1.) I hate foot doctors. My apologies to all you podiatrists out there, but so far, you've all disappointed me; 2.) I have a feeling the doctor will take off my toe nail to get a good look at this thing, and I kinda like my toe nail and am terrified of not having it there anymore; and 3.) (which is the stupidest reason, but compared to 1 & 2, how dumb can it be?) I'm going on a business trip in 2 weeks, and now is not the time to do nail excavating -- I'm gonna need my feet for the trip!

So meanwhile, here I am, an all powerful, energetic, bubbly, work-a-holic, woman of the new millennium, completely frazzled by a frickin piece of crud pushing on the innerside of my nail! How completely ridiculous!

What a Night!

2006-09-25T08:12:00.000-04:00

I won tickets off of 90.5 The Night (Brookdale Public Radio) to see the Raconteurs last night at the House of Blues in AC. All I can say is... Fabulous! They were totally awesome. My husband and I at first were like "what the hell are we doing here" with all the college kids and glue heads and completely strange people. I didn't get it -- the kids looked way too young to drink, but everyone was at the bar ordering things mixed with Red Bull and getting totally crippled,and the adults older than us looked like wary chaperones caught up in some awful joke. The opening band Dr. Dog was sooooo bad. Every 3minutes I was checking my phone for the time... and for an instant I felt like text messaging someone just to pass the time... just terrible! Chris and I just laughed.

When the Raconteurs came on I think we were about 15 deep from the stage and all of a sudden I forgot that I had been standing for the past 2 1/2 hours, and that moments ago my old body was tired -- Once they started I felt 17 again -- and believe me, thats a hard thing to pull off! But here I was, young, fun, and rocking out to some extremely loud extremely cool music, having the time of my life. All of a sudden the crowd was better to be around -- even the tall guy shaking his head like a bobble head doll was ok!

So thank you 90.5 The Night! Thank you Raconteurs for such a show! And a special shout out to my sister and my mom for babysitting on a Sunday into the wee hours of the morning so this 34 year old and her old man could have a night out!

Not enough words

2006-09-20T21:44:00.000-04:00

Not enough words to describe the utter grossness of this evenings drive home. Confused? Let me set it up for you: I'm almost home, about 1/4 mile left to go. I worked late, so its 9:29pm. I'm stopped at one of the last traffic lights that block me from getting the hell home already. And its one of those lights where all 4 sides of the intersection have a regular straight lane plus a turning lane that has its own arrow, so you end up sitting there for.ever.and.ever.and.ever.

So I sense something out of the corner of my eye. I sensed it, and I sensed it was something wrong, and something in my mind said "dont look," but of course, I looked.

Can you guess? Can you imagine what was going on in the car next to me? UGGHHH... this man, this person, this Pervert, this Cretin, this pimply faced Loser was ... you know... with his... with himself... and it was like Oh My God Please NO, please oh please cant this damn light turn green! And the light stayed red for an eternity, and this Thing was going to town next to me!

Words that came to mind:
Sceeved. Or is it Skeeved?
Grossed Out.
Repulsed.
Tasted Puke in the back of my throat.
Creeped Out.
Nauseated.
Itchy.
Pissed Off.
Like, why the hell does this happen to me!? (yes, alas, this has actually happened to me before!)
Angry.
Upset.
If I didn't know it would excite him further, I would roll down the window and tell him to get a f***ing life! Like, c'mon already!
Must you stare at me while this is happening!?
Must I keep checking back at you to see if this is still happening!?
What in all that is holy is wrong with this world?

Gone is not forgotten

2006-09-13T20:59:00.000-04:00

I am currently reading Gone With the Wind. What a fantastic book! I had no idea it was this good. For years I put off reading it because its over 1000 pages, and its old, and I thought, who cares about the civil war... Well, let me tell you -- its fascinating, the pages are flying by, and the war stuff is not that much. Really it just gives you a great insight into what the world was like way back when, plus Scarlett is truly an interesting character. And the writing is very creative -- many passages are just Scarlett's thoughts and what she would like to say but doesn't because of the time and because of what womens roles were back then.

I'll set up this passage for you: Scarlett is thinking about how if she just acted doe-eyed, clingy and helpless then she could get the man shes in love with. The book reads:
"There was no one to tell Scarlett that her own personality, frighteningly vital though it was, was more attractive than any masquerade she might adopt. Had she been told, she would have been pleased but unbelieving. And the civilization of which she was a part would have been unbelieving too, for at no time, before or since, had so low a premium been placed on feminine naturalness."

So. Have we really come so far from the 1800's? Do women really have the freedom today to show their true selves, to be strong, to show their "feminine naturalness?" I bet some would say yes, and then again, some would say no. Do we find ourselves masquerading to fit the mold? What exactly Is the accepted way of being a successful woman? And lastly, if we are now so liberated, so free, and so empowered, then tell me why our salaries are still lower than those of our male counterparts in the workforce!

Lately

2006-08-28T21:27:00.000-04:00

Lately things have been so peaceful. I had a great vacation to nowhere -- Just stayed home, cooked some new things, cleaned up a bit, played with the kids, watched movies... it was absolute bliss.

Favorite rainy day movie(s): Back to the Future I, II and III.
Favorite guilty pleasure movie: Xanadu

One day my daughter and I had an adventure -- we went tubing on a lazy river.. She, I and my brother... It was so relaxing just floating in the sun, drifting over little waves and watching the clouds go by... I really really miss going camping and having summers to do just nothing at all.

I think the perfect job would be where you could take off at least once every 2 months or so for about a week to a week and a half... I bet when you came back to work you would be totally productive and happy since you knew in just 5 or 6 weeks you'd be off again having some relaxing adventures with your family.

stuck on you

2006-08-13T21:29:00.000-04:00

I've been noticing a bumper crop of ridiculous bumper stickers lately. What is it with wanting to post your political, religious, moral, and otherwise stupid personal business on the tail of your vehicle? Like, C'mon folks, this is bordering on lunacy.

Do I even have to mention those white ovals with a black oval border that have maybe 1 or 2 or 3 letters in black on them -- that are supposed to be taken from the European stickers....I ask you, Do we need to make ourselves look even dumber in the eyes of Europeans? And while some are for towns, or vacation resorts, (HH = Hilton Head, OBX = Outer Banks), others are now for peoples work place -- I saw one that said SD and then under it in tiny little letters it said Scuba Divers, some dumb town, NJ.

I saw one the other day that stumped me. It said SPOONS in really big letters, and then in small print it said "are for stirring coffee." Is this pro-caffeine? Anti-tea? Anti-black coffee? Anti-soup? Anti-icecream, or cereal? What gives? Then -- I asked my husband about this when I got home, and he says, like he knows, "its anti-drug." Whhhaaatt? Like some crack addict will be driving around, just about to light up his little piece of rock or whatever, that he's just so carefully placed on a spoon, in his car, while driving, and then look up --- He sees this bumper sticker -- and Poof! He lays down the crack spoon and enters into a rehab program. Right.

Another I saw that just filled me with such rage (and no, this isnt the one on my arch-nemesis' car, the one that has "abortion" morph into "adoption".... but I hate that one too!) No - this one was a collage -- a myriad, if you will, of about 5 stickers, all having to do with circus animals, and PETA, and how we all hurt poor innocent creatures like f-ing cows, and arent we all so damn horrible for mistreating and eating animals. These were carefully displayed on the back of a very expensive German engineered car, (SUV, actually -- like, shouldn't this person be into the environment?), completely upholstered in Italian leather, manufactured by the same company that not just a few decades ago also manufactured the gas chambers of the Holocaust.

Some days I swear I'm gonna run someone off the road.

alone time

2006-07-31T08:04:00.000-04:00

So, like what is it with me that I have such a hard time figuring out what the heck to do with myself when I have some time alone? Case in point: this morning. Its a Monday, but I have off today because my husband has jury duty, and someone has to be here to watch the kids. But one is off at camp, and the other is sleeping. I too should be sleeping, but instead, I have been up since 6:30, wishing like crazy I was tired and could just go back to sleep!!!

So I'm up. And the house is quiet. And I'm like lookin around like 'hmmm, oh-kayyy,.. now what!?' What is wrong with me! I could clean, but who wants to spend their free alone time cleaning? I could pay the bills, but, well, I just did that! I could watch tv, but ... Why!? I guess I could read... but I'm really not in the mood. ARGHH. So here I am writing this horribly boring post, and here I am clicking Publish!

A Very Merry Un-Birthday To Me

2006-07-25T19:05:00.000-04:00

To me? To me! A very merry un-birthday to me! Its been one year since I've been blogging! So far, so good. I thank you for taking the time to laugh with me.

When I was a kid my family used to laugh at me for being over-dramatic. For saying thigs like "I hate water." In fact, they used to say that I had created the largest list of "I hate______" and whenever I started a sentence by telling them something I hated, they asked me which volume of which book that one was in.

So here's a few I've been thinking of recently:

I hate the universal symbol for "money." You know, like when a person rubs their thumb against the other fingers in their hand, to symbolize moolah/money/dough/whatever. I just hate that. Cut it out already, you look stupid.

I hate the words "pet peeve." They make no sense. At least, they make no sense to me. Perhaps I dont know enough about that saying [Harlan Ellison says that you dont have the right to your own opinion. You only have the right to your INFORMED opinion, and being that perhaps I'm not informed, maybe its unfair to say pet peeve is worthy of hate... but I digress] to say its ridiculous, and I am a librarian, so I should be able to figure out its etymology, but I'm feeling lazy, and lets just say, for arguments sake, that saying "pet peeve" is truly dumb. Pets are good -- you feed them, play with them, make them a part of your family. And what the heck is a peeve? I just hate it. Wait -- here's a dictionary next to me -- lets see what Websters has to say....ughh.. here it is "pet peeve, noun, 1919, a frequent subject of complaint"... well, I still hate it. And no, pet peeve is not a pet peeve of mine, I just simply dont like it. Period.

And lastly, the cap-er of the day, I do hate water. To drink. Really. And I drink it, I do, but I hate it just the same. Sorry family, I'm just weird I guess!

Dear Deer

2006-07-25T18:59:00.000-04:00

Dear Deer,

Please stop playing on the side of the Garden State Parkway at night. You're scaring the crap out of me. I see your eyes reflected in my headlights, an eerie greenish yellow, and I imagine you running out in front of my car, causing me to swerve into the car next to me, going 80 plus mph, the car then leaving the ground, flipping flipping flipping, my head severing from my body as we do one more awful fip onto the pavement, glass shattering everywhere, blood splattering, and you just merrily hopping away to the other side of the highway. I know we've encroached upon your spot on the earth, but have mercy, dear deer, and let me get home safely to my slumbering kids.

Struck a Chord

2006-07-20T21:25:00.000-04:00

Ahh... Music! I love music. All kinds. I love music that brings back memories, brings you back to a happier place, makes you feel whole again, renews your spirit. Here's a random listing of songs, artists, memories:

Favorite Voices: Matt Johnson (The The), Paul Weller (The Jam & Style Council), Elvis Costello.

Albumn that I listen to if I'm feeling melancholy and want to kick myself in the ass: The The's Soul Mining

Albumn I'm embarrassed that I totally love: Duran Duran's Rio

Best Summer Driving Song: Bruce's Born to Run

Albumn I love to listen to if I'm getting ready for a hot date: New Order's Substance

Albumn I listen to if I feel like reminicing about those dreaded teen years: The Cure's The Head on the Door, or perhaps The Violent Femmes 1st albumn

Band that got me through High School and all the drama: Madness

Song that makes me immediately go out and buy a pack of smokes: Last Ciggarette by Dramarama

Oh - another voice I totally love : the lead singer of The Smithereens.

When I used to have a POS car that had no radio, the songs I used to sing to myself on the top of my lungs while driving to work:
Take It Easy by the Eagles
Slip Sliding Away by Paul Simon, or sometimes Kodachrome
In A Lonely Place by the Smithereens, or Behind The Wall of Sleep
That 10,000 Maniacs song that I dont know the title to, and i've never bought the albumn, but it has the line "shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather"

Song I used as a lullaby for my daughter because I never really learned any real lullabies, but it seemed to work: Sweet Baby James by James Taylor

Band that could do no wrong: Led Zeppelin. And I always waiver about my favorite Zep song -- Fool In the Rain? Misty Mountain Hop? Ramble On?

Song I totally love, and my husband makes fun of me for singing along to it: Spirit In the Sky. Who doesn't love that song? Yea, yea, I know... I dont believe in Jesus, but still, its a funky fantastic song.

First albumn I ever had: a 45 of Thin Lizzy's The Boys are Back In Town. Always bring a smile when I hear it.

Best Song to start off a long road trip: LA Woman by the Doors

Best Song to end a long road trip: Keep the Customer Satisfied by Simon and Garfunkel

Song that makes me think of my first boyfriend: In Your Wildest Dreams by the Moody Blues

Song that makes me think of my first kiss: Boys of Summer by Don Henley

Song that makes me want to have sex: Desperate but not Serious by Adam and the Ants

Song with the absolute best intro: India by the Psychedelic Furs

If I had a theme song, it would be: Aint No Stoppin Us Now

Band that makes me happy: Grateful Dead

Band that makes me laugh: The Smiths

Song that make me cry: Cat Stevens' Father and Son. i dont even like thinking about it -- I get all teary just at the thought.

Voices that makes me think of my dad: Jim Croce, Paul Simon, and Willie Nelson

Song I want played at my funeral: The Crystal Ship by the Doors

Our wedding song: Youre the Best Thing by the Style Council

Most underrated U2 song: Hawkmoon 269

Song that makes me think of you: 500 Miles by the Proclaimers

the gob stops here

2006-07-09T21:26:00.000-04:00

MEN! What is it with you and spitting!? No, no, I don't mean to address those of you who chaw (although that is utterly disgusting too, but we can discuss later if you like)... I mean those of you who, while driving down the road, in your big stupid trucks, roll down your window and spit a disgusting repulsive spray of white foam from between your two rotten front teeth, where the gob flies through the air for all to see, where it lands Splat in the road for all of us to drive over, or, perish the thought, step on when we later cross same said street.

What is wrong with you?

What did you eat that was so disgusting that you must rid your mouth of its flavor?

What kind of ailment do you suffer from that causes you to hock a luggey on the sidewalk, in public, when the streets are teeming with people everywhere?

Do you understand how awfully unattractive you look?

Is it something to do with testosterone? because I've never seen a woman do that. Is is like a male phenomena? Are you producing an overabundance of saliva? Do you suffer from wet mouth?

Can you imagine if this was like a real medical condition and they made a drug for it, and they advertised it on tv along with all the other stupid drug commercials: There would be Stupid Ted, suffering, and spitting out his car window on his way to work, and then the scene of him at work, stepping outside to spit, or in the bathroom, spitting, and the voiceover of "does habitual spitting ruin your life?" and then Stupid Ted on a dinner date and him having to excuse himself while he spits into a cup during his meal, and his date giving him a look of "oh, my poor honey, ... he can't stop spitting... he's got habitual repetitive salivary gland malfunction.." and then they would show you the drug, and then very fast tell you "Spatu-lock, while very good for habitual repetitive salivary gland malfunction, should be taken only under the advice of a medical doctor, and should not be mixed with alcohol. Side effects could range from mild to severe, and may include: incontinence, headache, nausea, or dry mouth." And everyone at home would yell at the tv "Dry Mouth! The sap can't stop spitting! He would love a dry mouth!"

In the meantime though, as far as I know, this is not a medical condition. Its a stupidity condition. Its as unattractive as when you guys fix yourselves in public. Now don't get your jockeys in a twist, -- You kow what I mean -- We all know you're not searching your pocket for a quarter, so There! I said it! We all think it! Its disgusting and just cut it out already!

independence day

2006-07-05T22:08:00.000-04:00

4th of July rocks. The fireworks in RB were totally awesome, and I'm not sure which was better, the light show, or the people show. At one point I was sitting watching the crowd move past me, and it kinda reminded me of that strange camera angle in Lost where you just see the scrubby feet and disheveled legs walk by you -- some people were in seriously bad condition, and yet others it was like a night out in the city. Hilarious to see. Great to be a part of.

In other news, I made eye contact with anti-rights man during an easing of the brakes traffic moment, and gave him the finger in slo-mo. It made my morning to see his little beady eyes scowl at me as he acknowledged my f.u. to him and his retarded presence on the sidewalk. He is still there, every day, and every day I want to run him over. This relationship is seriously not healthy.

Lastly, to quote a really stupid tee shirt that all too many posers wear these days, Life Is Good. It is. Even with all the mean people and idiotic drivers, and friends and family who constantly knock you down and beat you up... Still, its good. I am reveling in my dishevelment, and I Feel Fine.

movin right along

2006-06-22T09:39:00.000-04:00

I'm so excited! Family Vacation 2006 is only one day away. Remember the Muppet Movie, when Kermit and Fozzie are singing "Movin right along/ chunga chunga chunk/ foot loose and fancy free/ getting there is half the fun/ come share it with me...." That song rocks. That movie rocks. Not even a sore tush could ruin the excitement of a Road Trip. See y'all in a week!

happy pills

2006-06-21T10:55:00.000-04:00

You know the drugs they gave you for your pain are finally working when you wake up with cotton mouth :) I feel 17 again.

The first step is a doozie

2006-06-19T19:48:00.000-04:00

Yes, I did it. I broke my butt. Litterally. Snapped my tail bone like the snap of your fingers. Freakin hurt like hell. Wait - that was past tense -- I mean Hurtss like hell. I added that extra s for emphasis. I am such an idiot.

The kids had finally gone to sleep. Excited for school being over, they stayed up as late as they wanted -- 10:30pm, really more like 11. Finally alone, husband and I decided to watch a movie. It was a stupid boring movie, one I was not that into, but it starred William Shatner, so we had to watch. Yes, Shatner. Yes, we were watching it. Are we pathetic, or what?

As I was "concentrating" on "watching" the movie, I remembered the laundry in the basement, which was done and needed my attention. So hubby and I did one of these things: "oh! the laundry!" "I'll get it dear, " "no - I'll get it," "no, let me.." (you can see we both really wanted to watch this movie!) So I ran to the basement steps, took the first one a bit too fast, and just like a Batman comic I was like Bam! Kerpow! Splat! on my butt down about 2 or 3 steps.

It hurt so much I thought I'd puke. It hurt so much my butt saw stars! But, ever the "I don't need no stinkin help" kinda woman that I am, I was like "Feh! I'll walk it off." Walk? Sure. Sit? Aint gonna happen today, lady. So after about 20 minutes of pacing and bending, and trying unsuccessfully to sit, I drove myself to the emergency room.

Walking yourself into the ER totally feels ridiculous. I mean, you're walking, you're talking, there's no blood oozing, like, why are you bothering them? So I say to the pasty-faced teen behind the welcome desk, "Plese don't laugh, but I think I've broken my butt."

2 nurses, 1 doctor, and four hours later, my fears were confirmed. After a "series" of x-rays all zoned in on my caboose, it was undeniably clear -- So they sent me home with a rx for motrin, and said "good-luck with that!"

So kiddies, this wraps up another story in our long list entitled: "Listen To Your Husband Already! He's Here To Help You!"

worth the wait

2006-06-15T20:34:00.000-04:00

Mr. Sardonicus was the Scarriest. Movie. Ever. Holy crimolies -- totally frightening.

Chilled

2006-06-06T08:43:00.000-04:00

When I was a kid, I grew up in a really old house that in the night was really really scary. I mean like horror movie scary. Sometimes even in the daylight it was scary. Our house was over 100 years old, and had in the back yard an old red barn with horse stables and everything. So think old creepy farm house - white, black shutters. Get the picture? Ok. So at night sometimes my brother and I would watch horror movies that would scare the crap out of us. One time, we watched this movie, and the movie was so freakin scary we talked about it, he and I, for years. Whenever someone talked about this movie or that movie being frightening, my brother and I would look at each other, and be like 'no way, man... we know of the scariest movie of all time.' And yet, we only saw the movie once, and we never knew its name -- but we were completely freaked out for about 10 years after watching it. I think when we saw it, I was around 7 or 8 years old, and my brother was either 10 or 11.

All I remember from the movie is that there was this man, and a woman, and they were arguing in this old place, and he wore a velvet smoking jacket with satin trim, and he was really creepy. They knew of a winning lottery ticket that was buried with someone who had recently died, and they had to go get the ticket. So the man went and dug up the coffin, and opened it-- and all you saw was the back of the man digging, and then, the back of him as he opens the coffin, and then you see the ticket -- but then, the man turns around to get out of the ground, and his face has frozen in the most awful kind of grimace -- his nose is like a pigs, and his smile goes from ear to ear, stretched all out of proportion -- I remember screaming my head off at this guys face, and for weeks after, my brother and I would push our noses up and stretch our cheeks out to scare each other half to death.

This was one of those experiences that every once in a while I'd think of it, and a chill would go down my spine, and I'd be freaked out for like days just thinking of it.

So now, I'm a librarian. And I'm sure I could have googled this description or something years ago, and found out what the heck this movie was. But I didn't. However, last night, my husband did. Just as a lark. I think he googled 'lottery ticket buried dug up movie.' And you know what? He Found It. My stomach feels sick just thinking of it. Its called Mr. Sardonicus. And we ordered it online. And its coming in the mail in a few days.

I called my brother right away. Getting his machine, all I said was 'you gotta call me - no matter how late.' But that wouldn't do. I called his cell phone, interrupted his dinner out, and as soon as I started to ask him 'remember that movie, with the guy' he cuts me off, instantly knowing what I'm talking about, "is it on!?" I explain to him how my husband found it, and that its available to buy, and he says I gotta get him a copy too. He says that when we watched that movie our babysitter, or whoever was watching us, was in the other room, and Fleetwood Mac's Rhiannon was playing in the background at that awful scary part, and that when he hears that song he gets the chills. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. I know exactly what he means. So -- Mr. Sardonicus is on his way. I'll keep you posted!

Consistently inconsistent

2006-06-04T22:13:00.000-04:00

My bad - its been awhile. Again. I am consistently inconsistent.

So -- have you ever found yourself having bad thoughts at inopportune moments? Case in point - I'm at an award type of thing for a very serious subject, but the guy in my periphery is picking at scabs behind his ear, inspecting the flakes, and flicking them out from under his fingernail. Truly. How do you handle the gross-out factor, while trying to listen to things that are a.)important b.)quite serious and c.)of a nature that deserves your full attention. My mind wandered. It had to! This man, this person, was pick pick picking at his flaky 80+ year old head, In-specting the shit, and then flicking it in my general vicinity. Ho-boy was I truly and completely in the 'get me the f outta here' stage!

Another one -- And one I am loathe to admit, but I've let it sit for a few years now, so I think I'm ready to share.... I'm at services for Yom Kippur - the most serious and holy day of the entire year. People are somber. The dress code is basic black. The hush factor is huge. In the row behind me, and too my left, sits a kid around 18 years old, with 2 older women, I'm guessing an aunt and a mom. The 2 women are talking - first mistake, and the kid is texting people on his cell phone -- big mistake number two. He click click clicks his texts, and my blood starts to boil. While the 2 yentas keep at it with the horseshit conversation. I am sitting there, in services, trying to concentrate - no- trying to REPENT for my sins, and this jackhole is now TALKING to someone on his cell phone, because I suppose texting them wasnt enough, they now had to hear his whinny voice. You know he picked up this bad behavior from his mother, I mean, its obvious, as THE WOMAN IS STILL TALKING!! People all around us have turned and given them the evil eye, made little shushhing noises, coughed in an "ah-hem" kinda way, and still this family goes on talking! So - I did it. I had to. For the love of all that is holy in this world, I did it. I turned slowly around in my chair, placed my hand on the 18 year olds knee, looked him dead in the eye, and said 'Put the fucking phone down, and shut the hell up,' and then, for good measure, when his mother and aunt did the intake of air gasp, I looked at them both and said 'that's right bitch, you too.' Then I slowly turned back around, found my place in the book, and asked G-d to forgive me.

can you tell me

2006-05-24T19:15:00.000-04:00

Can you tell me what the heck is up with Kelly Ripa these days? Have you seen her commercial with Reege where they go to some bank in the middle of the night, and she's in this hot pink cocktail dress,and high heels, and is carrying on like a lunatic, looking so emaciated you'd swear she's gonna topple over and shatter into a million pieces because she's all bone. She's obviously gone to the Nicole Ritchie School of Anorexia and looks absolutely disgusting. You know its bad when you're standing next to Reege, who has the Dick Clark of wax faces, hair plugs, and He looks better than You! The Clue Train has left the terminal folks!

Next - can you tell me what the frick is going on with music? Why are songs sounding like stuff they should only play at a strip club? No, I've never been to a strip club, but I've seen movies/tv shows where theres some club, and they always have on this not-for-radio type of smut music going on. Have you heard the one where the chick is whining about cheating on her man, and how she should just put a bullet in his head and kill him, because thats what her cheating is doing to him, and the chorus is something like 'i no wanna be a murderer'... And the topper to the whole song, is that She Can't Sing! Its like nails on a chalkboard bad. Like Simon and Paula and Randy would have ejected her first round and then replayed her horrendous audition throughout the season for all to mock -- its that bad! Who the hell produces this crap? Who the hell puts it on an albumn? Who the hell thinks it should be played on the radio? Why did I listen to it? It was like a train wreck of songs -- I had fliped to it mid-song, caught a bit, and was like "she said What!?" and then had to listen to the rest because I just could not believe what I was hearing.

LFD

2006-05-10T21:11:00.000-04:00

Being so busy you can't even stop and think is actually very exhilarating.

Today: I got up, went to a different branch within my same library system for a meeting. I was called upon, (without prior heads-up) to introduce myself, the podcasting station, and tell assorted facts about myself. In talking about John I almost lost it and cried on the Director's shoulder, but I pulled through.

Then: leave the meeting, go to lunch, go back to my own branch, go to another meeting.

Then: meeting ends, work day is over, go home(read: drive for an hour) and eat dinner with the kids (scarffed a slice while standing next to the sink and watched my kids on the swing in the back yard).

Next: we're out the door and over to the fire house for a Girl Scout meeting, (I'm a co-leader). Give up on getting the girls to just sit the h down and stop screaming.

Leave the meeting, and head over to the school for a school board meeting, where, after listening to people (read: adults acting like children) argue for almost 2 hours, I get up to the mike and say my peace. Ahhh-- that felt great!

What a Long Friggin Day! I'll name it and those of its kind the LFD's. It's now late, I'm killing time (communicating with You, wink wink) waiting for Lost to end so that I can watch it on the dvr and go to bed, hopefully this week with some added knowledge as to what the hell is going on on that island! (yes, yes, I know it'll never happen, but I can hope, can't I?)

Like Helen Reddy, who said it best, I am woman and I am invincible!

Dear John

2006-05-08T23:31:00.000-04:00

How long do you need to know someone before you can call them "Friend"? I know it sounds so strange, but really, if you think about it, how long is it? Days? Weeks? Years? And what constitutes being a friend? Sharing an experience? Learning from one another? Laughing together?

I met John Iliff this past February. He came to our NJLA IT section meeting at the library where I was working, and put together this fantastic program on podcasting for us. We, the IT team, had the idea of a podcasting station for the upcoming spring conference, and John, a library technology consultant from the company Palinet, helped us to run with it. He was so energetic. Charismatic. Instantly warm and generous, he explained things in a sharing way -- not in a "I have the knowledge and you dont" kind of way. He joked with us. He listened to us. And he helped us to develop not just the podcasting station, but 2 other programs for the conference as well.

At the conference, 12 days ago, I introduced him to the standing room only crowd. And again, he delivered a knock-out presentation, easing the crowd through the complexities of RSS feeds, podcasting, and all its intricacies. He was so wiped out from the full days of conferencing, he did that presentation for us from the floor -- and laughed all the while about it, and made the audience feel really at ease, and I heard them after saying "that guy is so cool." He really was cool.

Earlier that day, John and I talked for about a half hour or more about library PR, how to get the word out, how to get the excitement to the people about what libraries can do - Are doing - with technology. Talking to him, you knew you were on the right track - that your thoughts about whats wrong and whats right were being heard. I left the conference thinking that John would be someone who I would talk with and learn from throughout my career.

John died this weekend. I dont know how, I dont know when. I dont know much of anything really about him at all other than what I've just shared with you. But John and I shared an experience. We learned from one another. We laughed. And he was my friend.

I will miss you John

Did you ever notice...

2006-05-02T10:48:00.000-04:00

songs that use the word "over" or any variation of the word, have to use it Twice!? Like the Motels, "take the L out of L-Over, and its O-Ver..." or Joan Jett "Crimson and Cl-over, O-ver and O-ver..." And now the new Ashley-Parker-Something-Or-Other (who is really nice looking btw) with the lyric "its not like we havent tried O-ver and O-ver again..."

Just an observation. Its like the word Over just by itself just isnt good enough -- to get the point across you have to use it twice.

I wonder,--- can you use that in the library too? Like "i've told you over and over to stop running," Or, "Sorry, its over. And over." Or, "Re-shelve the books over. and over. and over."

Do the right thing

2006-05-02T10:36:00.000-04:00

I have to say, I admire those librarians out there that write about real library stuff. I think its admirable that they voice their opinions, on issues and topics that face all of us, and put themselves out there as a voice for librarianship. I think thats hard -- I think that when you start blogging about a certain topic, all of a sudden you are the expert -- and that may or may not be true, but it happens. Perhaps its just that what you say others agree with, and so, you are now revered as the one who knows best. But really, its things that we've all thought, and you just happen to state it very nicely and with just the right amount of passion. And you link us to other pages and other people to support your statement. It's really quite cool.

Now, there are other people out there, like myself, who tend to shy away from the big library issues, not because we don't have an opinion, or even because we don't think they're important -- its just the opposite. But for 1 - I think there are way smarter people out there who say things 10 times better than I ever could and 2 - I just find blogging about silly situational things so much more of a release, and really, thats what this bogging thing is about, right? Well, for me it is, anyway --

take me home

2006-04-25T19:50:00.000-04:00

Is there anything better than coming home after a long, tiring (exciting, but tiring) day at a library conference? I think not. It is so satisfying to having done a job well done, and to come home, kick (peel) your shoes off, and have a seat. AHHH... I havent sat in a comfy chair all day.

For this years NJLA conference the IT section pulled it into high gear -- really, people, we did a kick ass job. And there's still one more day left! I'm very excited about tomorrow, and the wrap up of the whole sha-bang.

The best thing we did, was have a podcasting station set up at the conference. Novices, Techies, Non-Techies, even Vendors visited our podcasting station and let their voices be heard. Over 50 of them in total, in just one day. We'll post them soon, and then all over the world people will get to hear what NJ librarians have to say, about all kinds of things. Heck, we even got Nancy Pearl to talk for a bit! How totally cool is that!? Damn, I'm so proud! And so so glad to be home, relaxin, waitin for Idol to start :)

Censored. Dead. Drec.

2006-04-20T21:12:00.000-04:00

So -- What can I say? It's been a busy week or so. And I know some of you, and some of you know me, so its hard sometimes to write freely and put down all that I am thinking about. You can bet that when there are lapses like the one I just had, its not so much that I've been too busy, but more likely there were things going on that I just can't talk about here, which is bad, but not too bad -- I just want to cover my ass, as it were! Suffice it to say, the new job is terrific, and I'm learning a Lot. It's hard to be a librarian/manager. It's hard to work as the "gal in charge." But I think I've made good decisions so far, and I hope my new staff is getting used to me. I have a long way to go, that's fer sure.

Have you ever been driving, listening to the radio, and the same exact song is playing on 2 different stations? That happened to me today -- Heart of Glass by Blondie was on 2 stations. Now, is it just me, or do you instantly think to yourself "Omigod, did Deborah Harry DIE?" I mean, when do they ever play Blondie?

And no, she's not dead. I checked.

Then, on the same drive into work, I heard a dance-ed up chick version of that melodramatic Journey ballad "Faithfully." I kid you not. Some idiotic crap dance girl moron re-did that drec, which at best was sub-par to begin with. What is the world coming to? I know I said a few posts ago I love the radio, but honestly, most of the time it just sucks.

one to grow on

2006-04-11T16:52:00.000-04:00

Did you know that you can burn yourself with boiling water? I guess now it makes sense, but I really had no idea.

Here's the set up: I'm alone with the kids, (I'll interrupt here: if you know me & my husband, you know this is never good -- he's a much more qualified care giver than I, hence, I work outside the home and he works inside) - Anyway ..., and I am trying to make myself some coffee, (here again, no good.. If I am in need of coffee, things are already not going in my favor), and my kids mac&cheese noodles are all done boiling and need to be drained, so I can add the cheese packet and get on with my coffee. So of course, me needing to speed things up so I can get with the java, I decide to for-go the strainer and just hold a wooden spoon up to the noodles with my right hand as I pour the scalding water out of the pot with my left.

Need I tell you I'm a righty, and that pouring water out of a boiling pot with my left hand is just plain crazy!?

So the water, pouring into the sink, decides to take a detour from its nice flow, and run down the length of the spoon onto my hand and fingers. YEE-OUCH!

And, because I am completely pathetic, I just scream and stare at it, but let it continue to burn me, because really now, who wants to drop the noodles and ruin their dinner, when all I really want to do is have this whole mess over with so I can Fix - My - Friggin - Coffee - Already!

Did you know that, when burned with scalding hot water, your fingers will actually bubble?

And That, my friends, is One to Grow On!

tell me no lies, baby I have been bad

2006-04-10T19:23:00.000-04:00

What's up with adults who lie? Its so totally inappropriate. Like, get a clue! it only makes you look bad. Heres one: in December and January my kids had lice. It was pretty awful, but we lived through it. Now, if you aren't down on the lice advice, I'll tell you - they're lifecycle is about 10 days. So, you treat the kids hair, wash everything, stuff their teddy bears in a plastic bag for 10 days, and then on day 10 repeat the process of washing and shampooing. Its actually no big deal, except for the mounds of laundry caused by having to wash everyones bedding.

So - as I confessed, my kids had lice this winter. Months ago. This weekend, I get accused - wrongfully accused -- nay, totally blamed without so much as a second thought, that my kid gave someone elses kid lice! The nerve! And the person who knew without a shadow of a doubt that my kid gave her kid lice was so totally drama queen over it, there was no talking to her! Then, to make matters worse, after she verbally assaults me on the phone, she adds "and I looked it up on the internet and found a home remedy to cure it..." which totally assails the librarian in me. You did Research? You! Did! Research! And you're still blaming me!? Well, little novice web-searcher with your inept searching skill, obviously you didn't search the right sites Or find accurate information, for if you did, you would know that there is no freaking chance in hell my kids gave your kid lice!

Don't mess with the librarian, man, ...that just makes me nuts!... my left eye started twitching and my hands started to shake!

Actual Phone Conversation Part 2

2006-04-06T21:59:00.000-04:00

This was not in the library, this was at home between my husband and another person:

"Can you believe they re-made The Ten Commandments?"
"They did?!?"
"Yea, it's on tv this weekend."
"What did they change them to?"
.....
.....
"Ummm..., well, they re-made the movie, like the one with Charlton Heston."
"Ohhh..!"

drivin tunes

2006-04-04T21:31:00.000-04:00

Probably the best thing - no - maybe perhaps the Only thing that is great about driving to work, is listening to the radio. And nowadays there are so many options for things to listen to in the car -- satellite radio, mp3 player, cds, ..Whatever. My favorite thing though, hands down, beats them all, is switching around the dials and finding a gem of a song that you haven't heard in like years, and just totally rocks.

I love all kinds of music. Truly. I do. Perhaps country and I don't mix well, but that's it -- Most other kinds of music I'll give an ear to. Oh, wait, I also don't like this crazy Asian soap opera shit my husband listens to, but we're talking American radio here.

If I had to describe my "genre" of preference, I'd say 80's music. Aghh, I know, I know... I feel your pain too... I don't mean THAT 80's music.. the shit that we didn't like even back then, and that is totally not cool now... (99 luft balloons, come on eileen, anything by the go go's.... crap! pure crap)... I mean like when you're in the car, and you're cruising at 80mph on the Parkway trying to get the hell home, and the Clash's Train in Vain comes on. (was that 70's? or 80's? ...whatever) Or, you're heading into work, kinda still waking up, and you hear a melancholy song like The Smithereens one "I'm in a lonely place without you." Cripes! It makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. One minute I'm thinking about getting in to work and getting things done, the next, I'm back in 8th grade being a total drama queen over some guy who hasn't called me back yet -- pacing my bedroom, waiting for the phone! Or thinking about those times the phone did ring, and I'd "escape" with my friends to somewhere we shouldn't have gone. Why were we so ready to jump a train into the city? What were we thinking? I'm so glad I made it out alive! :) But that's a whole other story...

But driving, and hearing something phenomenal that you haven't heard in forever...Priceless! I heard the Who's "You better you bet" the other night after visiting my 94 year old grandma in her assisted living facility. I left there feeling so totally down and out, but then I got in the car, and I heard those few little electronica sounding notes and my face just lit up. Those lyrics are just too damn good to not sing along all the way home... "I'm not into your passport picture, I just like your nose!" I dare you to not smile at that!! Mix that with a daydream visual of Roger Daltrey back in the day with those tight blue jeans and long curly hair... whoa baby... hold on!

huh-larry-us

2006-03-28T19:01:00.000-05:00

I love words when they are mispronounced, or exaggerated, or just used in a silly way. Something about that just makes me giggle. Take for instance the Pink song where she's talking about how she doesn't fit it, and isn't pretty, and people hate her... Oh yeah right, that's like every Pink song... Well, in this song, whose name I have no idea, she says the word "irritating" in the funniest way -- She pronounces it Eh-Rah-Tay-Ting, with a kind of Mass accent, like Mayor Quimby on the Simpsons. Can you hear it? Eh-rah-tay-ting. Eggzactically folks, now you hear it. And listen carefully, because in the public liberry you will hear the English language bastardized on a semi-frequent basis. It's just huh-larry-us, just ax anyone!

And speaking of songs with mispronunciation, and misuses, what about that Darkness song "one way ticket to hell and back."?!? Maybe its just me, but that sounds like a round trip!

Settling In

2006-03-25T10:26:00.000-05:00

So, the first week is over at my new job, and its starting to feel like a real job. You know, like the first few days always seem like 'what am I doing here,' ...'do I really fit in,' ...that kind of thing. Friday it all came together, and I'm thinking that on Monday it'll seem like I've always been there. I know I still have tons to learn and adjust to, but I'm getting there fast, which is good.

Went to the Y this morning with my daughter for her swim class. What is it with people, that when they 'hit the gym' they get that 'comparison shopper' attitude? Like, 'how do my pecks rate against yours' kinda thing. I hate that. Just mind y'alls beezwax and we'll get along just fine. I'm not there as a show piece, in any way shape or form, so stop the staring --

To quote my favorite Kelly LeBroc advert -- Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful :)

all that glitters

2006-03-22T19:21:00.000-05:00

What a week! And its only Wednesday. This week I am living up to my blog-name -- I started my new job on Monday, and have felt so completely disheveled. Actually, while AT the job I feel good. Its just when I am leaving, driving home, and thinking about the whirlwind of a day I've had, and getting home, and sitting down finally, that the Dishevel hits me. I mean, look, its 7:20 pm, and I'm in my jammies. Well, actually, I always change into jammies when I get home. But I don't match. Usually my pjs match, or at least are in the came frump category, like t-shirts go with sweats, nightgowns go with robes, 2 piece jammies go with, well, they're 2 pieces - they go with each other! Tonight I'm wearing a short nightgown with sweatpants and then a crazy fuzzy cardigan -- what the hell? And I think my hair is doing a Cinderella on me - once it struck 6pm it turned into a chiuaua. Wait - thats not a fuzzy dog -- whats a fuzzy dog? A schnauzer? Anyway, you get the hint. I'm a mess and Lost hasn't even started. And forget about all domestic duties. I have barely started the dishwasher.

But I love this new job! And thats cool. And I guess its ok to hold it all together by day and then dish out the dishevelment in the pm.

Oh - and btw - Median Man was back again this weekend. Someone gave him a coat too. Womans coat. Purple. Fuzzy hood. Not great, but we're getting there people.

train wreck

2006-03-17T20:49:00.000-05:00

Every day I get stuck in the same traffic at the same light at the same time. It is the last and final traffic light before I get to my house, so of course, while sitting there through 3 to 4 to sometimes 5 (!) changings of the light with little to no movement forward, time always seems to be running in reverse, making me more and more and more irritated and it begins my mental questioning my decision to live in this over-crowded, over-populated, over-SUV'd, New York Wannabe state.

Today, however, was different. It was Friday. I attended a meeting, and didn't have to go back into the library, so I was heading home early -- I was happily zip zip zipping through the streets thinking today my luck would change, and I would pass through the dreaded intersection sans-waiting.

Unbelievably, Unimaginably, the line was Longer. Like Way Longer. Like 'what the f--" longer. Crawling forward inch by inch, I finally get a glimmer as what is going on. Turns out there is a man - can I assume homeless? I think I can, but I'm not 100 percent sure, but lets just say this -- There is this obviously life-challenged man sitting on the median right at that dreaded light. The traffic light is at an intersection where 5 different sets of streets get to take turns going, so there are like many many cars and like many many people all looking at this man.

He is dresed in rags. And I don't mean this figuratively. Literally folks, the man is in rags. Rags with a hood. And he has an assortment of bags and paper-y things around him. He also has 2 black small containers set up kinda like a double-boiler, and he is cooking something right there in the median. He has about 7 straws taped end to end with black electrical tape, and he's kinda like smoking whatever is in his makeshift pot. Truly. I cant make shit like this up myself.

So ALL CARS MUST STOP is the new rule of the road. I swear. Someone used their cell phone, and called DMV, got he pres onthe line, and they had a meeting, and then they made an ammendment to the rules of the road, and then they put out a public service announcement on all the channels, and like Everyone knew. So Everyone stopped, and gawked, and witnessed the public brewing and inhaling in the median of the busy intersection.

And, of course, I looked too. I mean, its obvious, since I just relayed it with such detail. But I didn't want to look. And I didn't want others to look too. Something about it was just so awfully sad. And terrible. And people just suck, don't we? Not one person went out and helped the guy. I guess he did look kinda scary. But, he also didn't look scary at all. He was smoking, and then he'd get up and dance, and then he'd sit down and laugh, and move his arms like he was a conductor of some great musical. And everyone sat there tying up traffic, doors locked, and watched as the police finally came and led him away.

what's new!?

2006-03-15T22:21:00.000-05:00

I know, its been weeks! I've been crazed lately. I am starting a new job next week, in a new library, new library system, and am totally "stoked" (if I can steal a word from Spicoli)!

I've been shopping lately,and having such a strange time of it. All the spring clothes are out, but none of it looks very professional -- its all pinks and pastels, flowery and flowy -- real pros can't wear that stuff, can they? And what does a 30 something librarian wear these days, anyway? I'm not in a business environment that warrants wearing a suit, I'm not young enough to pull off the trendy things, I'm not old enough to pull off the matronly hag look... What's a girl to do? I seem somewhere to have lost my sense of style! I now look for things like - does it come with elastic somewhere in waistband? -- does the color match well with my greys? -- can I look taller in this, and not like an ottoman? -- is this in anyway FUN!? I like fun clothes, but alas, they are nowhere to be found :) I got 3 days left to pull it all together!

Actual Phone Conversation

2006-02-28T21:30:00.000-05:00

"Hello, blah blah library reference, can I help you?"
'Here's my story. I went to dunkin donuts yesterday in blank town and they charged me 8% sales tax. Why?'
"why?"
"yes, why!"
"well, I don't know. I thought sales tax in NJ was 6%"
"IT IS!! So WHY did THEY charge ME 8%!!?"

So -- yes -- this lady is screaming at me, over the phone, because some stupid dunkin donuts over charged her for her coffee. 2% too much. On a buck fifty coffee, how much is that?

So, I calmly say to her,
"well, I hear how frustrated you are, and truly that obviously must have been a mistake, and I am sure someone somewhere in blankety blank town would be able to get to the bottom of this for you, perhaps by investigating this further." So I gave her the phone numbers for the police, the chamber of commerce, the better business bureau, and the township administrator.

Somewhere right now at some undisclosed dunkin donuts some heads are gonna roll.

two things

2006-02-22T16:54:00.000-05:00

First: Today I got in a fight with my pantyhose and the damn stockings won.

Second: Yesterday I got a case of The Library Cooties. While stepping on a step stool to reach a higher shelf, I reached my hand up and grabbed onto said higher shelf, only to find my pointer finger suddenly very pained. It felt like I stuck a thumbtack. So I of course cursed "ouch blah blah" and when I looked at my finger to see what the hell had stuck me, I found a fingernail impalled on my pointer! Yes. Totally disgusting. Someone's rotten, chewed off, hastely removed, horrid fingernail bit was stuck into my flesh. Simply awful. I have since washed my hands about five thousand times, but I still feel like I have library cooties.

Reaction Delayed

2006-02-21T11:49:00.000-05:00

What is it with the delayed reaction? Is it a coping mechanism, or what? Like, when you go through something traumatic, and all the while horrible things are happening, but you get through it like a champ, and people are like "wow -- she's tough", and then after its over, maybe 2 or 3 weeks or months after, then you get sick. Or you sleep for days. Or you somehow finally feel whatever it was you went through. You react. Its very strange how these things happen. And I don't think it only happens with bad things, I think it happens with the good as well. Perhaps we're just not equipped to handle all that much stuff at the time of it occurring? For instance, I just found out I got a new job, so I went to my current boss and gave her the news. And then nothing happened. Like Nothing. There was little to no reaction. It was eerie and strange. Then, the next day, I think she's accepted it, or came to terms with it, or something, and I finally did get the "we're gonna miss ya" and "you'll do great there" stuff I had expected the day before. And that was cool, and nice, and yet at the time when she said those things to me, I myself did not react -- it took me a day or so to realize what she said -- a delayed reaction to a delayed reaction --- oy vey.

golden flop

2006-02-14T22:48:00.000-05:00

Is is just me, or does the coverage of the Olympics just suck? It's so scattered and doesn't follow any rhyme or reason. There is an 8 hour difference, right? So why do we see mens skating, downhill skiing, speed skating, back to the downhill skiing, over to the snowboarders, over to the skaters, back to speed skating, now a little downhill, then over to the mens skating, now a little snowboarding, here's a little more downhill, here's something with snow, somthing with ice, something blue, something nice, oh wait! i must be dozing off, and now back to Bob. What the hell is going on? Gimme a frickin break, guys, its 10 pm., do you know where your mind is? Mine is gone, man, just gone. And riddle me this -- Why does Bob Costas now look like a black haired beady eyed coke fiend? Has he always looked this bad, or is it because I'm watching him in high-def? Can someone check his motor, give him a tune-up, replace his batteries, Something, Anything, Please! Mr. Roboto is scaring me!

TAG! You're It

2006-02-02T22:29:00.000-05:00

Tag-less shirts are by far the best invention in the fashion industry. I think they started with Haynes t-shirts/undershirts, but now almost everything from the Gap and Old Navy is tag-less -- Hurrah!

Gone are those itchy awful uncomfortable useless Size tags that would bother you all day long until you finally grabbed it with your arm bent behind your head and wrenched it like a dog chasing its own tail and pulled and pulled until it relented just a tiny bit, but not enough, to free it from itching your neck, and then you had to run, screaming, still clawing at this useless piece of tri-folded fabric, to find someone with industrial scissors so they could help release you from the madness, but in their haste, and your annoyed condition, they mistakenly cut the tiniest minutest littlest hole in your shirt, so that the very next time in the rinse cycle the stupid little spec of a rip grew to the size of a chick pea, so now forever and always your favorite shirt is ruined because you cut your hair too short to hang over the hole, so now everyone can see the freckles on the top of your back!!!

But now - hazah - they have given tatoos to t-shirts. Instead of the hang tag, there is now a stamped on size emblazoned right in the middle of the back of the shirt, so you are itch free and have the added bonus of knowing so easily which is the back and which is the front of your shirt!

I wonder if this is causing a huge amount of layoffs in 3rd world countries where all the tag-women used to work, stitching and preparing shirt tags. Now they are replaced with t-shirt tatoo machines.

And, lastly, when are bras going to follow suit? Why do they have not one, but TWO tags stitched onto the back strap? And, btw, just because those bra tags are made of faux silk does not mean they are any less itchy than the polyester shirt tags of old. they are still archaic, itchy, scratchy, and make those awful medieval torture devices (bras) all the more horrendous.

wet dream

2006-01-29T17:22:00.000-05:00

No no no -- not that kind of wet dream! get your mind out of the gutter!

My sister and I talk about the dream where you really really really have to go to the bathroom, but you can't find a ladies room anywhere, or, you find the ladies room, and like the toilet is overflowing, or its in a huge room with a thousand people staring at you, or something is happening to the toilet or bathroom so that you just can't go. And then finally you wake up, and you realize you really gotta pee.

I've had these kind of dreams for years. I'm a pro at the absurd ways to dream about a bathroom being unavailable. But Never had I had one so freakin' bizarre, as the one I had the other night.

Here's the setup: I'm in a kind of jungle/forest/make-believe land, and for some reason I reach up both hands and stretch them up way over my head to try and reach a tree branch. I'm thinking I'm going to swing from the branch. So I reach and stretch, and my fingertips just barely reach the branch. Then, finally, they grip the branch, and my hands are holding on tight, but my toes are kinda dangling 'cause its all too damn high for me.

All of a sudden, these ugly birds swoop down, and crap on my hands. They are like a mix between pigeons and seagulls, and the poo is this awful sticky white/gray goop, and it gets all over my hands.

So I fall to the forest floor, completely freaking out, with my hands held in front of me like a surgeon whose just scrubbed and is waiting for the latex gloves -- you know, like elbows bent, and palms facing your face. And I'm dying to get to a bathroom to wash all this bird poo off my hands before it all drips down my arms and gets into my shirt sleeves.

I run into a building (I know, I was just in a forest, now I'm in a building, but this happens in dreams, doesn't it?) and the hallway is like the building where the Rainbow Room is in NYC -- its wide and marble and really long. A security guard tells me where the ladies room is, and I'm running down endless hallways, up 2 steps, down 3 steps, over, diagonal, around and about, and then finally I find the ladies room. But - to get in it, you have to punch in a code into this old fashioned cash register and turn a wheel like a vault safe. But my hands are covered in crap, so I can't touch anything, and I'm standing there in misery like an idiot. And the crap is drippy and oozing and smells just disgusting.

So I turn, and this flat screen tv tells me theres another bathroom on another level. So I'm running again - up stairs, down halls, around bends, echoing footsteps in this crazy marbled place, when I finally get to the next bathroom. But for this bathroom, in order to open the door you have to place your hand on one of those hand-scanner things you see in the movies -- like, the kind of thing where its like a blue piece of glass, and you lay your hand on it, and this red beam reads your handprint and opens a sliding door for you. But, I can't put my hand on the thing, because my hands are covered in shit. (Which, of course, has multiplied by now, and is getting worse by the minute.)

I am so frustrated I am ready to scream!! And I really really really need to wash my hands! It's at this point, thankfully, I wake up, and realize I've got to pee in the worst way. It's like an "I don't care what kind of head rush I'm gonna get from sitting up too fast" kind of urgency -- so I slam myself awake, run through the doorway banging my body left and right and left down the hall till I get to the toilet, where I collapse, and laugh at myself for having such a ridiculous pee dream. Bird crap!?

This is definately a new one! ... Bird crap!?

something old something new

2006-01-23T20:23:00.000-05:00

old/new: the same guy still stands outside the planned parenthood EVERY day. He stands there with a big coat, hat, gloves,and a scarf wrapped tightly over every inch of his face, save for his beaddy eyes. One of these days I'm gonna run him over.

old/new: my hair was "fixed" and yet is still a dudley moore doo. No amount of product can help me. wet, dry, damp, blown out, it still looks like crap.

new: i sat on the parkway last friday night with my car OFF for almost an hour due to a major car accident. Today, I read in the paper that it was a guy who hit the left side guard-rail, then flipped over 4 times, landing in the far right lane. Now, what truly is pathetic/miraculous about this accident, is that the idiot only broke his arm. I'm not sure if I should feel happy for this guy that he walked away from that pretty much unscathed, or annoyed that I wasted an hour sitting there when it was just a broken arm. Not that I wish anyone ill, but _____

wake me up before you go-go

2006-01-18T13:37:00.000-05:00

Open casket wakes are not a good idea. In my relatively short life I've now been to 5 -- 3 were older men (50's-60's), 1 was a young man, and 1 was a young woman. All were just plain awful.

The first one I saw was so horribly done, I swear I could see the stitches keeping his eyes and mouth closed. It was so bad the widow of the deceased asked me if I was ok. I seriously was not. It was like some kind of horror movie done is scent-o-vision; the flowers overbore almost all your senses and the horrifying thing inside the casket was so awfully done it was like a train wreck - you had to stare.

And there really is no need for this -is there? I'm not one to throw stones at others religious beliefs, but what is the reason for the open casket thing? The person is gone. Their spirit has left their body and is heading for who-knows-where. This vessel, that people are so hell bent on looking at, is dead. It's not a real person At All. And all it does is lead to bad behavior.

Case-in-point: the young man whose wake we attended died by 'accidentally shooting himself' - well, that's what the family had to say, because should his death be marked a suicide, he could not be buried as the religion he was. And that, if I may side-bar, is a real shame. Why lie? He put the gun in his mouth, pulled the trigger, and is now dead -- And the church would ban him for that? In reality, the church should take some (just a little) responsibility in this -- someone somewhere obviously failed to provide him with the support he desperately needed to stay alive in the first place. So now they have failed him not once, but twice, and now his family has to lie about his death so that he can still be buried as a whatever. Hrumpf. SO- back to bad behavior -- this man shoots himself, and everyone at the wake knows this, and so everyone who goes to 'pay respect' to him stares awfully long and un-ashamedly at his perfectly put together head looking for the exit wound. Just awful. Terrible. There was none, by the way. I looked.

The other wakes were similar -- people filling past, trying not to look, but looking anyway, and gawking at the horror of the terribly done make-up, the all-too-thick bronzer, the mementos lining the casket, and the truly bloated and disfigured hands resting on this poor dead body. It's really really awful and something I hope to never have to go through again.

wood you please

2006-01-05T22:49:00.000-05:00

Maybe its just me, but I find that when people start out like this, it only gets worse. I'm sitting at the reference desk, and a man walks in and says
'Hi'
'Hi, Can I help you?'
'Ah, yes, maybe you could help me. You see, I have this question, and I think perhaps you might know the answer, but I'm really not sure, so,..'
'Well, I'd be happy to help -- What's the question?'
'I just got back from Home Depot,
and they couldn't help me,
and they said to maybe check out my local library,
so I came over here,
but I've never been here before, ...'
'....'
'this is the right place, right?'
'Yes. This is the library, and this is the reference desk. What's your question.'
ps- in my head, and this point, I am screaming WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ALREADY, but outside I am smiling patiently like an imbecile. I think my own sanity is diminishing with every umm and ahhh this guy mumbles.
Finally -- 'Do you have books on logs?'
!!??!!
'Logs?'
'Yes, logs. Like, types of logs, different kinds of logs, and like, how they burn.'
OK. Now I'm looking around for the hidden camera. Is this for real, or am I on some kind of Worlds Stupidest Questions show?
'Ahh, I'm not sure I understand your question... You need information on burning logs?'
'Yes. I have a fireplace, and I want to burn the best logs available, that produce the least amount of pollution, because I believe in the environment, and I heard that some logs are better than others... and I have a baby, and I don't want to have bad fumes in the house.'
This last part is actually a summation of my poking and prodding him some more until he finally laid it all out. In the end, I think even he thought he was being a tad ridiculous. I got him some books on fireplaces and how to chop wood, and he was very happy.
Deep breath in, Deep breath out. Onto the next question!!

its a dud

2006-01-04T21:55:00.000-05:00

Remember that episode of Friends when Phoebe gave Monica the haircut? And Monica starts yelling that she wanted the Demi Moore haircut, not the Dudley Moore hair? Well, I think I have the Dudley Moore hair. I hate to admit it, but its true. And I love my hair guy, but this last one is a dud - Plain and simple - its just awful. What do I do? Its in such a cock-a-may-mee state, that really all I could do is either 1.) grow it out, which will take months of the Dudley hair, or 2.) chop it all off, which I've done before, but I just don't know how I feel about that just now. Ever since my 2nd child was born, my hair has been different. Its thinner than it was, and actually, I think on the top its really thinned out a bit too much. So if I shave my head and cut my hair really truly short, will the thin stuff on top look just awful? Or is this Dudley hair so bad, that even a short thinning doo would be better than this? And how do I go about making an appointment with my hair guy to cut off all my hair when I was just there right before Christmas? What do I tell him? Gee, I know I usually only see you every 5 months or so, but I thought I'd come back for a 4 week check-up? And by the way, can you cut off all that ugly layered crap you gave me last time that you said would be a free and easy no-fuss way to have my hair, 'cause its g-d awful and makes me hate even touching it, let alone looking at it? I can't leave this guy, either -- I know you're thinking that -- just go to someone else! But I can't! This was just one mistake! All the other times I've been to him I've always loved what he's done. Well, maybe the last time I hated that one too, .. but it grew in nicely, and then after a month or so I liked it!!

h2o today = 40 oz!
and I've eaten breakfast 2 days in a row now :)

back to work

2006-01-03T19:34:00.000-05:00

So I went back to work today after a week+ off. It was just ok -- lots of new projects to start, lots of small things to tidy up from last year. It's not bad. I did the water thing today and got down 32oz., which was ok, except for the 1/2-hourly trips to the ladies. I also celebrated the return to traffic jams on the way home with what I hope to be my last cigarette. The pack is now empty, so that's that!

hair we are

2006-01-02T19:47:00.000-05:00

'your son has the most beautiful long hair'
'thank you'
'i thought he was a girl'
'well, ...he's not. obviously'
'so when are you going to cut his hair?'
'i don't know'
'its really long for a boy. how old is he? 2?'
'no, he's 3, and yes, it is long'
'so are you going to cut it?'
'right now? no.'
'some people might think he's a girl'
'i'm really fine with that, and i don't think he thinks about it too much. in fact, i don't ever think much about what other people may or may not think about my toddlers hair'
'he'll have to start school, though, so then you'll have to cut it'
'really. i had no idea that was a requirement of enrollment in school'
'he may have a problem and think he's a girl'
'well, he's in school now, and i think he's doing just fine. he only plays with cars and trucks and other boy-ish things. his long curly beautiful hair has not led him to choose barbies over trucks, and if for some reason, hair or other-wise, he did choose to play with dolls, i wouldn't care.'
'well, maybe you should put it into a ponytail'
'yeah, like thats not girly. sure. i'll get right on it'
'eventually, you realize it Must Be Cut'
'yes? does it really? perhaps not. perhaps because of your rudeness and idiocy i will never, not once, cut his hair. and then what? will he be shunned? will he fail? will he be confused for the rest of his days on his gender?'
'well, he'll have a hard time'
'a ha... hmm.. ok.. i'll take that under advisement'

Of course, this exact conversation never happened. But I do go through similar ones like this every once in so often, and in my head, I am answering back with all the obnoxiousness and stupidity of the subject itself. People need to relax a bit with the parental advice. Its not asked for, its not necessary, its not appreciated. My son has long hair. My 3 year old little boy has long beautiful gold curls. Hurrah!

h2o count = 16 oz. give me a break. its my 1st day.

breaking it down

2006-01-01T23:15:00.000-05:00

I don't think its possible to just say "I'm gonna lose some weight," and then like Voila - you lose weight. I think, as with most things, you have to break it down into smaller steps. So. Here are all the things I must do in order to trim the fat:

1. drink more water. current drinks of h2o per day = zero. not good.
2. exercise more. current exercise regime = pushing my son in his stroller approx .75 miles, when I get the chance., ie, when its not too cold, or I'm not too tired, or ...you get the idea. not good.
3. eat breakfast. current first meal of the day = lunch. not good.
4. stop smoking. current intake of smokes = 4 to 5 per week. not bad, but not good either.
5.get more rest. current hours per night sleeping = 5? 6? ...4? not sure. not good.
6. eat better food. current per week trips to fast food = 1 to 2. not good.
7. have more fiber. current idea of what the hell fiber is = ziltch. no idea. not good.

OK. That said, here's what I'll work on:
1st I'll try the water thing. I hate water. It's either too cold, so it hurts your teeth, or its too warm, and it tastes disgusting. And it makes you pee too much. I'm not into the whole 10 glasses a day thing, either. I have to work up to that. So - starting tomorrow -- I'll get in at least 3 glasses of water a day. I know that sounds ridiculous, but to me, thats a huge milestone -- Remember, I hate water. So - think good thoughts, and bare with me -- its gonna be a long haul!

new year

2006-01-01T16:12:00.000-05:00

So I have broken the most basic of all blogging rules -- write often! I am a blog writing drop out, I know. Its just horrible. Well, since its a new year and all -- here's my resolution -- to write more, no matter how stupid or irrelevant I think my thoughts are. That's really the crux to the whole to write or not to write issue -- it's simply - what's interesting? And sometimes (a lot of times) nothings all that special. But here's what I'll do -- I'll write lists of things I need/want to write about, and then on a slow day I'll tell you about them:
weight loss resolutions
job interviewing
travel arangements
songs to sing to in the car
lice (!)
drive-by alcohol drop off
mis-spellings
open-casket wakes

Ok - so right now, those are all the topics I can think of that have crossed my mind recently -- and I think I've done enough for today -- so Stay Tuned... There Will Be More Tomorrow :)

Good Grief

2005-12-11T23:05:00.000-05:00

"It's the most wonderful time of the year!" Well, for some, yes -- it is. For others, not so much. For all of you out there who are feeling less than merry this holiday season, I have a favor to ask... Let It Go... For one day, one week, one month, step outside your blanket of woe and come into the light. It's warm out here. People ARE Good. People DO Care. And your nay-saying grief-mongering needs to take a backseat to this time of wonder. Yes, I said it - wonder. I know, I know, so-and-so's sick, so-and-so's passed on, so-and-so's breathing down your neck with $$$ you owe, SO?! Wadda-ya gonna do? Nothing will change today, Nothing will change tomorrow. You'll wake up in the morning and all your problems will still be here. So give yourself a break and Be Happy, Be Nice, Be F-ing Polite, Be In Charge Of Your Emotions!!! Tomorrow you can go back to being your same old miserable piece of shit.

Delayed

2005-12-08T23:51:00.000-05:00

I know, I know -- I haven't written a post in a very long time. Well, honestly its just been pretty boring lately. I think things go in cycles, and lately the cycle hasn't been funny, so I haven't written anything. I've been getting up, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, hanging with my family, and going to bed --

Wash/Rinse/Repeat.

The anti-abortion guy still stands outside every day. Even in this cold. Now we know for certain he's a moron. I see him every freaking morning, and 3 out of 5 mornings I give him the finger.

I was laughing at myself the other day at just how many mood swings/mood changes I go through just on the 20 minute ride into work. I'll break it down for you:
8:30 - running late, need to leave the house now, slightly annoyed, running around the house like a lunatic shouting things at everyone
8:34 - finally in the car, filled with guilt over leaving my family to head off to work
8:35 - totally psyched! there's an awsome song on the radio
8:36 - singing. totally happy.
8:37 - pissed. I ran so late I'm stuck at the frickin railroad tracks. again.
8:38 - calmed. train has moved on. another good tune to hum to.
8:39 - there's that prick bastard anti-abortion idiot on the side of the road!! murderous rage! he must die!!
8:42 - hey, I missed that light, cool -- maybe I can make up for lost time and hit the parkway ok
8:43 - shit - hit the 2nd light -- I really need to get moving! Frustration seeps in. Sip my coffee. Pop a calm-the-belly pill.
8:47 - ahhhh, yes, finally - I'm almost on the parkway, we're movin, movin
8:47- what the frick!? Why does this guy cut me off just to Sit There At The Toll!!? Find Your Damn Quarter on your own time!! I'm late!!
8:48 - Smiling like a cheshire cat - blew off the idiot and am now heading toward my cruising speed of 85
8:57 - Still hovering around 80 - here's my exit -- looks good, I got 3 minutes to make it into work - very happy, but anxious
8:59 - Where do all these idiots come from!? That jack is doing 30 in a 45!! C'mon! I got like 1 mile left!!
9:01 - Pulling into the parking lot. I'm not all that late - here's some of my co-workers also getting in now. Sigh of relief.

I am a certifiable nut case!!

Brow Beaten

2005-11-08T20:37:00.000-05:00

So I go to get my eyebrows waxed at this place where I get my nails done. It is a shop run strictly by Korean and Spanish women, and no one there speaks English except for the customers, but that's ok, because they are totally awsome with nails. The person I used to get my eyebrows done by no longer has a salon, so I'm in the midst of an eyebrow emergency and figure, what the heck, I'll get em done here. So I go in, say "eyebrows?" and pantomine eyebrow waxing, and the Korean lady nods her head, and ushers me into a little room.

Now - the lady who used to do my eyebrows would sit me in a chair, and we would face each other, and talk, and she would wax my brows with me sitting straight up in the chair. 2 minutes, and its over. A little sting, but worth it.

Here - this lady asks me to lay (lie?) down on a bed like thing, which I think is awkward, but I'll go with it, cause, like I said, this is an eyebrow emergency.
So - if you've never gotten a brow wax before, I'll tell you 2 things. 1. It hurts like hell, and 2. The cardinal rule is Keep Your Eyes Shut. No one wants a hot wax poker jabbing them in the eye. Stay still and you'll get out of there with a minimum of discomfort.

So - I am laying (lying?) there, keeping my eyes shut, and the nice Korean lady starts applying the wax. And she's applying to one brow, then another, then the middle -- appying away -- but not ripping. Here, I stop again, and I'll tell you -- usually its apply wax/rip/appy wax/rip. That's the usual scenario. She Is Not Ripping. More wax. And more. And more. I have a molten lava facial going on here and I'm starting to get squeemish.

Ok. So she gets the paper-y/cloth-y stuff, Finally, and starts to RIP. I think I actually feel a piece of my eyelid come off. Yeow!! I keep my eyes shut as she rip rip rip rip rips for what seems like a frickin eternity. Then, I feel/hear the tweezers. I absolutely Hate Tweezers. Why ask for a wax, and then have them tweeze you? I don't get it. But anyway, usually this signals we're almost done.

No Go. THEN, I hear and feel a Scizzor! Holy Mother Of G-d What Have I Done? Did she think I said Remove my brows?! Does she think I want them Gone a-la Bob-Geldof-style? Am I going to have to Draw them on with a f-ing pencil?!!! Snip snip snip -- she's snipping away like some crazy demon. I am breathing in her hot demon breath because our faces are so close and she's so intense in the snipping and tweezing. Tears are streaming out of my eyes, the pain is unbearable.

Finally, it's over. She rubs some cream on my eyes, powders my face, grabs me by the elbow to help me sit up, and shoves a mirror into my hands. "You Like?"

I am astonished. My brows are so narrow, so thin, so miniscule -- I Can't Even Make An Expression. It's like they don't work anymore. They can't move because they have been whittled down to these littly teeny black lines. So. That is my story. My lesson to you is -- Beware of the Brow Beater!!

fun quizes

2005-10-28T22:10:00.000-04:00

Your Element is Wood

Your power colors: green and brown

Your energy: generative

Your season: spring

Like a tree, you are always growing and changing.
And while your life is dynamic, you are firmly grounded.
You have high morals and great confidence in yourself and others.
You have a wide set of interests, and you make for intersting company.

What Element Are You?

Your Life is Like

High Fidelity

What John Cusack movie are you?

Your Love Quote

Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and very important.

What Love Quote Suits You?

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog.
You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head.
Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent.
You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking.
You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view.
For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different.
Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

happy pumpkin day

2005-10-28T21:53:00.000-04:00

Halloween is here -- just a few more days till the trick-or-treat'n madness begins. I love this holiday. I love getting candy, (oh pu-leaze...you eat your kids candy too!), I love seeing imaginative costumes, and I love walking around in the crisp chilly fall air with the smell of leaves turning and the moon looking so eerie and bright. I love watching scary movies late at night and getting creeped out. I haven't done that for a while, and I really need to. I need to see something spine tingling and frightening. I need to feel scared to go to bed in the dark. That is like the most awsome feeling -- when you're too scared to close your eyes 'cause you think the boogeyman is out to get you. It's like a wacked out crazy kind of buzz, feeling scared, feeling like someones creeping up behind you. The willies. I love that term - Willies. Where did we get that word? But I find as I get older I am less and less creeped out- by movies, I mean -- they're just not all that scary anymore. They follow a pattern, and are so derivitave of all the ones that came before, there's just no scare factor. Have there been ANY truly scary movies in the last 5 or even 10 years? I need to investigate this! If I find anything with true scare potential, I'll let ya know. And if there's something you think is worth it -- something that truly gave you the willies, let me know!

foolish me

2005-10-22T15:25:00.000-04:00

2006 is right around the corner, and already I have meetings planned, things to do, time to spend -- so I get out my brand-y new calendar, and start writing things in. Foolish me - I am still doing things today that I started years ago as a superstitious pre-teen. It sounds so crazy to admit, but I write people's birthdays in my book in pencil only. Never pen. Why? Because you shouldn't plan for something to happen, like a birthday, because you may not make it to your next one. So here I am, penciling in birthdays of all my family members, wondering -- will they make it? Who knows. It makes me sit and reflect -- what if they didn't? What if, g-d forbid, something happens, and they are not here to pass another year? Would I then erase the penciling in of their birthday? Of course not. -- it's not like the pencil mark will get erased, should the person not be here. Its just that the writing of the date, in pencil, an erasable non-permanent medium, symbolizes my belief that you just never know. You can't plan. You can never know for certain. And no matter how many times I run all this ridiculousness through my head, I will never get myself to switch to a pen. And its scary, really. I even wrote my kids birthdays in pencil, and shuddered as I did so. Will they make it to 9 and 4? What the hell is my problem? Do other people think this way, or am I just nuts. Pathetic, more like it. Maybe this is another "trust issue" -- I've been told I have these -- but I can't find the correlation. Anyway, -- foolish me - my superstition has got the better of me, again.

c'mon people now

2005-10-18T21:15:00.000-04:00

So - the Internet was down in my library for 4 days -- We place signs everywhere, but still people come to the ref desk asking for the Internet. I say "sorry, no Internet" and this is what people say to me --

Silly Teen asks "even AOL?"

Bossy Businessman says "but I only have to use it for a minute"

Ludite Wife says "oh no - my husband will be so upset -- his business uses that Internet like all day." To which I reply "he uses the Internet in the library all day?" and she says "Oh no - in his office, here in town. If its down here, its off at his building too, right?"

Pushy Patron says "but I really need you to place my book on hold. can't you just do this one?"

Tenth Patron In A Row quips "bet you wish you had that old card catalog just about now, heh?"

on my way

2005-10-07T14:37:00.000-04:00

well, it's that time of year again -- today is my birthday. and it's really not that big of a deal - really. i don't feel like i've done anything, or accomplished anything, and the only thing i have to show for it is a few more gray hairs added to the mix. other things, like my wedding anniversary -- to me, that's something real to celebrate. you have the whole world against you when you're married. 60% of your "colleagues" fail. another year wed, and i think rather happily wed -- now that's cause for celebration. a birthday, however, can easily be passed over and forgotten. which reminds me -- my mother for 2 years in a row has forgotten to call me on my birthday. tonight, she's coming over for dinner, so she'll have to remember, right? and if she does forget, well i bet the cake at the end of the meal should jog her memory!

last weekend in the library parking lot, i met a woman -- "oh, you work in the library?" she asks... "yes" -- "do you have videos?" "yes" "do you have the tell-tale heart?"..... did i mention we were standing in the parking lot? i might be a good librarian -- hell, i may even be a fantastic librarian, but do i keep a copy of the current inventory in my head?!?

some song lyrics i've liked lately --
'i'm on my way, from mysery to happiness today"
"so you're scared and you're thinkin that maybe we aint that young anymore - show a little faith, there's magic in the night"
"this is the day you're life will surely change"
'on my way - i've been this way 10 years to the day - gotta ramble on, gotta sing my song'
'bigmouth la la la la ha ha'
'you've got to lose to know how to win'

to thine ownself be true

2005-09-28T23:11:00.000-04:00

whatever happened to the truth shall set you free? whose truth? what is true for one, may not be true to another. Can you BE someone elses truth? I think not. I think if you try to conform yourself to what others try to push onto you, all you are doing is hurting yourself. You must go with what feels right FOR YOU. Period. Forget all the horseshit and drama of playing nice, being fair, seeing both sides -- go with your gut, then take the consequences. At least you did what was the truth for YOU. And if what you do is wrong, what of it? Can you live with yourself for having done something, and failed? Why not fail? How can you ever succeed without ever failing? Perfect Is Boring. Perfect Is Not Real. Why hold yourself up to the standard of Perfect, when it Does Not Exist? People make mistakes all the time. Better than that -- better still -- people forgive -- all the time. And in forgiving, they may never see your truth, but they accept that its there, and its real - to you. to thine ownself be true.

peace out

can't get there from here

2005-09-28T22:51:00.000-04:00

15 minutes till school time, can't find my keys. husband is on the road, a few towns away. search everywhere -- rip the house top to bottom -- no freakin keys!!! call my neighboor - "feel like taking a drive?" "why not take my car?" "take your car?" "yeah - come on over....want me to back it out of the driveway for you?" ??? "nah.. I'll be fine..."

"The car" was the size of a winnebago. The driveway has a small retaining wall on the passenger side. Reversing gently, gently now, watching, looking, hitching myself up in the seat to see out the back window that's a mere 30 feet from where I'm sitting....There's a pedestrian and her kid walking behind the car! Brake! Watching the little kid get safely out of my way, watching her, smiling, reversing...I scrape the brick retaining wall with a crunching errrrr -- put it in drive, correct myself, back into reverse, try again -- ok -- we're on the road -- school starts...Now! Shit! Fly through town, get to the school, push open the escape hatch (huge f-ing door) and FALL OUT OF THE CAR. Left leg (heel actually) hits the pavement as the right leg gets twisted under me, still up inside by the seat. "The car" was so high off the ground, and I am so flippin short, I literally flung myself heel&ass-first into the abyss of the parking lot. Embarrased? yes. Hurt? perhaps a little sprain. Still keep the momentum going and get my kid out of the backseat, into the school, and smile so sweetly at the teacher like nothing is out of the ordinary? most definately.
I got my kid to school only 3 minutes late.

I am a superhero mom!!

where have all the good times gone?

2005-09-17T14:03:00.000-04:00

I know I'm getting old because the music I loved as a pre-teen/teen is now the "muzak" being played in dr. waiting rooms, food stores, and gas stations. how awful is that? it used to be that my parents music was un-cool. Now its mine! I swear at one point that stuff was rock -- now its sappy 80's drama music.

I know I'm getting old because my husband and I are invited to a friends daughters wedding. Last summer we went to a friends sons wedding. this is completely pathetic. and -- to top it all off -- the music they play at these things is like way too loud!

this all said, however, I realize I'm still just in my 30's -- but when my birthday hits next month I'm not so sure I'll be happy about it.

No new tale to tell

2005-09-14T18:07:00.000-04:00

Someone recently told me that when you don't hear from someone in a while, it means they have gone into hibernation, usually because they have something goin on in their life, and so they need to take a time out from people. I agree. I've lately been pulled in so many different directions, I was truly incapable of blogging, let alone having a time to gather my thoughts coherently enough so that I could blog. my apologies.

Question: why are customer service people so nasty? The pharmacy lady told me she couldn't fill my rx until tomorrow --and asked me, "can you see we're real busy?" with a dismissive wave of her hand to the rather empty desk, which I suppose had a bit of paperwork around her. Is not every single person on this entire freakin planet Busy? I mean, even the manicured spa people are busy. Even when they are getting facials, they are busy improving the quality of their pores, right? They are busy. I am busy. We all do lots of things to fill up our time. Never not once are we not busy. So don't tell me about busy, lady -- do your job, get me my meds, and shut it. We're all Busy.

Question: why does your crying mean I should forgive you? A "friend"(read: person I have to put up with) did something real real stupid and bad. She got caught. I confronted her. She apologized through a haze of tears and "didn't mean to's". The tears did nothing for her case -- it just made her seem more guilty. In fact, I was ready to forgive, and then the tears came, and then I got angry again. I felt like recinding my "its ok" and going back to square one of not talking to her. In fact, Game On. No Deal with that apology thing. Your guilty tears make me completely disbelieve you.

Question: why am I good enough to throw a party, but not good enough for a dinner? No, I'm not canceling the party, but really now...

Question: when you are going in for a "procedure" where you will be naked and unconscious, aren't you in the tiniest bit truly freaked out? I mean, they are doctors. right. But they are also people. And trusting people, as we all know, can get you nothing but trouble.

never mind the bollocks

2005-08-31T23:29:00.000-04:00

Note to self: don't even try to eat lunch in a room with a person with a nosebleed. If the blood doesn't make you sick, then their constant checking of the tissue to see if they're still bleeding will.

2nd Note to self: don't try to explain to a parent why their teen really does need to read the book on the summer reading list, and that coming in and printing out the plot synopsis from Masterplots won't help them in the least bit. she'll just make you print them anyway, and her MIA teen will fail miserably. not your fault.

3rd and final Note to self: Is that burning smell coming from my car, or another car? Can I smell it now? How 'bout now? If I'm NOT smelling it, does that mean the smell went away, or am I now just used to the smell because I've been driving in it for the past 20 miles?

Game Used Balls

2005-08-23T23:52:00.000-04:00

Ok. That last post was just shot to shit. Siobhan wanted to read it because it had to do with her tooth. And because she's staying up way too late -- Again! Anyway, after she read it, I explained to her my whole theory and what karma is, and what the thought process was...

Turns out they didn't catch the freakin ball at the game.

Turns out NO ONE got a ball - at the game.

Turns out, she wanted a ball so bad, she waited all game to catch one, and was sorely disappointed when there was no ball to be had.

Turns out in the Gift Shop there was a convenient little basket marked "Game Used Balls."

Turns out, that is what hit my 2 kids in their faces tonight, and THAT is what my whole "things happen for a reason" rant turned out to be -- a game used ball.

things happen for a reason

2005-08-23T23:26:00.000-04:00

Things really do happen for a reason - and there is definitely karma out there. I don't know how, or why, or what its made of, but it's very real. Take tonight, for instance... My daughter had caught a baseball at a game last night, and got to take it home. This in-in-of-itself (is that how you write that?) was pretty amazing, because, how many people catch baseballs at baseball games? So anyway, she caught a baseball. And when she came home from the game all psyched and happy that it was hers, I thought to myself "hmm.. that's a real pro baseball .. that could really hurt the little guy" (our 2 yr old)... but I pushed all those fuddy-duddy feelings aside and was happy for her. I told her to be careful with it around her brother.

So -- tonight -- they are playing outside. She is throwing the ball into the air and catching it, and little man is standing next to her in awe of his big sis. Then, inevitably--WHAM! He gets socked in the face with the baseball. Lip is cut. Blood gushes. Mad crying ensues.

In the melee we lose the ball. Now they are both crying. Do I need this?

Later, we find the ball. All is right again with the world. We head into round 2 of throwing the ball in the air and catching it.

Unbelievably, again, ...WHAM! This time its Siobhan who gets hit with the ball. This time, no lip is cut. However, the ball smacks into this horrendous loose tooth she's been hanging onto for too long -- (We had named it Snaggle) -- blood gushes, crying again all around, in the madness she asks "Should I change my shirt, ma?" which was funny, because she was wearing a red shirt, so of course, I said "No!" About 5 minutes later after the cool cloth, some pulling, some agonizing, the dreaded tooth is freed from her gums. Hoorah!

Now -- I really do think that things like this happen for a reason. She got the ball at the game, where it probably should have hit her but didn't, it then hit little man, which was clearly a mistake, and then finally, the ball hit her. The ball was meant to hit her, and for her tooth to be pushed out by. Really.

Crunching numbers

2005-08-17T22:33:00.000-04:00

At the library where I work we just recently migrated to a new ILS system. And its a fab system. Really. And patrons have the power to do more now than they did before with the old system. However -- to do these things, like holds from home, renewing materials from home, et cetera, etc., they need their library card number (duh!) and a PIN number. the PIN is the thing. I swear some people actually look crestfallen when I explain the PIN thing. Like, its 4 digits -- get over it! But (and there's always a But) the more I think about it, the more crestfallen I get over the whole PIN shenanigans. Oh you horrible PIN, how I do hate thee!! Let me count the ways!!! Here is the variety of PINs (and login user id's/passwords) I have in my life -- lets see how they add up:

1. OK - there's the blogger account, obviously
2. Bloglines account, not so obvious, but still...
3, 4, 5 - my 3 email accounts, all of which have different usernameloginpasswords
6. the login for my computer at work
7. the login for the ILS system on my computer at work, when I want to do reference type things
8. the login for the ILS system on my computer at work, when I want to do tech services types of things
9. the login for B&T to do the collection dev. stuff
10. forgot -- I have a 4th email, the tech-y one
11. the login for the server to update our webpage
12. the login for the reference pc's at work
13. the login for the public Internet pc's login software
14. the PIN for my own library card
15. the PIN for my mac card
16. the PIN for my mac card when I use the teller-phone system (yes, its different than #15)
17. the login for my amazon account (yes, I buy books too -- I know, I know, I can get them at work!)
18. the login for my expedia account (yes, I can even travel on my salary!)
19. the login for my ofoto account (wait -- they are now kodak easyshare -- is my pin the same?whatever)
20. the login for my other kodak easyshare account that I created because I forgot about the 1st one.
21. the PIN for my cell phone's voice mail
22. the PIN for my regular land line phone's voice mail
23. the PIN for my office voice mail
24. the pin for my live365 account ( love them -- I like 8ball radio the best)

It boggles my mind that just about all 24 of these are different from one another! Why!!?

That's all I can remember right now, but I bet you theres at least like 10 more. I know there's about 5 different passwords on computers at work so we can add/remove/replace/maintain the security on the pcs -- do those count as "mine" since I know what they are, and I need to use them on occasion? Shheesh! It felt good to get them all out though! It's like a mental purging of all these horrible numbers & letters & characters *&! just swirling around in my brain ***

How many do you have? (it's like that commercial, "so, what's in your wallet?")

what the heck

2005-08-15T21:54:00.000-04:00

Some very strange things have been happening to me recently....

Today I got in my car and a song started on the radio. At first, I thought it was this one song that I like, that I don't know the name of, and don't know the band, but every time I hear it I love it -- but they rarely ever play the song, and it's from like 5 years ago, and you never hear it in its entirety cause you always catch it midway. So I think it's that song, but it's not -- it's some awful song by another band. (who's name I also forget, but they're not important) Quickly, I change the station, but I keep thinking of the song I wanted it to be, and its in my head all morning. I'm singing it in my head off and on for about 3 hours. Flash forward to lunch time -- I'm running late, heading out late, and need to quickly run out for a bite and then back to work again, -- jump in my car, turn on the radio -- and the song that is in my head, that I thought was playing in the morning but wasn't, is on the radio -- and, its at the beginning, so I get to hear the whole thing. I love that. It was instant happiness. It was my happy peaceful total zen moment of the day.

Strange thing number 2. A few days ago I got to leave work early and be home to take my daughter to her acting class. It's an hour long, so I figure, I'll hang out and read or something until she's done, rather than go home, sit for 10 minutes, then drive back over again. So the plan was to read. But it was 110 degrees out, and I didn't want to run the car for an hour, so I decided to go for a walk. I go and pay my taxes, I go and buy some tickets for a comedian, I think about buying an iced coffee, and then I am wandering around thinking of other close things to walk to, when I see that across the street from the acting class is a palm reader -- $5 for 1 hand, $10 for 2. Now, I know these things are silly, and can go either way -- total sheister, to total creepy -- and I have to say, I'm a smidgen of a believer in this stuff. And hey, for $5 I'm out of the sun for 15 minutes. So I start walking over, and I'm thinking about what will the "psychic" tell me, when a car pulls up to the curb, and out steps Melanie. Melanie was one of my closest and dearest friends all while growing up. We lived 3 houses down from each other, and were inseperable for a very large portion of our childhoods & teen years. And we had a huge gigantic enormous awful falling out 10+ years ago, and I haven't seen her since. (which, is a long and bizarre story involving 2 weddings and some awful bridesmaid dresses -- which I'll spare you the details of, unless you want to know sometime.) But -- I digress -- Here she is, plus husband and 2 kids, and here she is coming over to me on the street. I was kinda like a deer caught in the headlights. I have to say -- it was cool to see her, and then 5 seconds later, it was Not cool to see her. Does that make sense? So we walk to the pet store together -- her son needed live crickets for his iguana-- and we talk, exchange numbers, and I go pick up my daughter from her class. I've been running it over and over in my head ever since. Our "breakup" as friends was Huge -- it was really hurtful and devastating to me -- and, over the past 10 years or so it's definately crossed my mind more than once. So do I call her? I don't know. But I do wonder what the psychic would have said!

Strange thing number 3. (Cause they always happen in 3s). Work has been really really wierd lately. No one has been acting like themselves. It's like they've all changed roles with one another. Mean people are now nice -- Nice people are now rude -- Crazy people are sane -- and the one I really got on with is like a psycho split personality. What is up with people?

murderous rage

2005-08-09T18:51:00.000-04:00

One month ago we moved to a new house -- (same town, different house), so my route to work has changed. On my way to work I pass by the local Planned Parethood clinic, which, among other things, provides abortions --And every day there is this old man out in front protesting. He wears a kind of flag or banner (floor length) around his neck of the Virgin Mary, and he holds up a crucifix ala Statue of Liberty style. Every day I get angry inside at him. Some days I put my window down and yell "go home!" and I feel better. Most days I have this kind of day dream where I see myself throwing a big juicy rotten Jersey tomato right at his head -- which, if you know me, is funny, because I don't throw. Really. When someone asks me to just chuck their keys at them, or toss them a pen, I won't. I hate to throw. But in this day dream I have a sunroof in my car (currently I have none), and through the sun roof I lob this incredibly huge, fat, red, squishy tomato out the sunroof, where it flies through the air and lands Splat! right on the guys balding head. Then everything goes black and white and birds appear like an Alfred Hitchcock movie and he gets pecked to death by this swarm of unruly seagulls and blackbirds -- all the while tomato juice and seeds just flying everywhere. It's awsome. Then I continue on to work, and I feel so silly for having that moment of murderous rage. Does this count as road rage, since I'm in the car, and I'm angry? Or, since he's not in a car, is it just called plain ole' rage? What if I ran over him and made him into a hood ornament? Would that be road rage, since then he'd be a part of my car? And just why does this old man bother me so? I feel bad for the people inside the clinic. Or, I wonder if they are just used to him by now, like we are at the library used to our crazy people. I wonder if they look out their windows at him and just say "yeah, crazy Ed is out there again. boy must he be hot." I wonder if he, in turn, is used to them as well -- does he say "good morning Dr. Abortion Man/Woman" to them as they all get out of their cars in the morning, ready to start their day? Can you imagine? What if they took coffee breaks together, and then went back to their posts -- the workers to their clinic work, crazy old holy roller Ed to his little stretch of sidewalk. I wonder if they live in this kind of peaceful love/hate zen state with one another -- you do your thing, we'll do ours? So -- I guess it's silly for me to get filled with rage at this guy -- he's just doing what he wants to do, even though I think he's wrong, and he should spend his retirement some other way - who am I to judge? And wasn't the whole crux of the matter the fact that I thought his protesting was a judgement of those who he has no right to judge? (besides, men have NO PLACE to tell us gals what to do with our bodies -- until they can get pregnant, they can shut the ... frick --- here I go getting angry again!) He is of no consequence to me or my life! I'm feeling a change -- tomorrow will be interesting -- maybe I'll give him a bottle of water. Maybe. It sure is hot out there.

stolen memories stolen

2005-08-06T22:27:00.000-04:00

I stole this from Tales From the "Liberry" who stole it from Errant Apostrophes who stole from Kunstemaecker:

10 Years Ago Today, August 6, 1995: I was nearing the end of my career working retail at a famous women's shoe store in the Woodbridge Mall, lower level, across from the carosel where kids would scream all day. My husband and I were married then for just under a year, and were living above his office supply store, in this tiny little apartment. It was heaven. We had no neighboors, a WaWa across the street, and an awsome pizza parlor, where the owner would trade us calzones and pizzas for office supplies. Selling shoes was awful, but the people I worked with were wonderful and hilarious -- "Skinny Anorexic Cocaine Lady", the store manager, who sang on the top of her lungs and hit us with pocket books -- "I'm Just Doing This Till I Get A Teaching Job Girl", who was mortified when her boyfriend proposed to her on a huge chocolate chip cookie (bought at said same mall), and "Dark Lip-Liner worn with White Lipstick Girl" who wore size 2 clothes even though she weighed 250lbs.

5 Years Ago Today, August 6, 2000: I was working full time at my first library job at a small public library -- 35,000 books, just over 4,000 square feet, staff of 3. I was the branch librarian, with one semester of library school under my belt, and was getting ready to start in the fall my 2nd semester. My daughter was 4, and my husband and I were desperate to move out of the tiny apartment above his store, which thankfully, we did the following year.

1 Year Ago Today, August 6, 2004: I was 10 months into my current job, and loving every minute of it -- The things I have learned since joining the larger public library where I am now is just amazing.

Yesterday: I worked all day, came home exhausted, and finished the latest Harry Potter -- why, I don't know.

Tomorrow: Clean the house in the morning, house guests in the afternoon, cleaning up in the evening! And hopefully getting a good walk in sometime if the heat breaks.

5 Snacks I Enjoy: Hershey Kisses, GORP (good old peanuts and raisins w/choc.chips), Sourdough Pretzels, Cherry Garcia ice cream, and a nice cold glass of Pinot Noir.

5 Bands That I Know the Lyrics to Most of their Songs: The The, Duran Duran, The Cure, The Smiths, The Clash

5 Things I Would Do With $100,000,000: Give a large chunk of $ to my parent's scholarship fund at Brookdale Community College and to the Holocaust Center there that my dad founded; pay off my family's debts; spend a month at Canyon Ranch; have a huge costume party where everyone would dress as their favorite super-hero; get a kick ass car (like a James Bond kinda car)

5 Locations I'd Like To Run Away To: Capri (Italy), Greece, Ireland, Israel, L.A.

5 Bad Habits I Have: Worrying, Smoking on Occassion, Cursing in front of my kids, Not Returning Phone Calls/Not Answering the phone because I know its you on my caller id, writing lists upon lists upon lists!

5 Things I Like Doing: Reading, Eating, Driving, Cooking, Hangin with my Family

5 Things I Would Never Wear: a bikini, a belly shirt, daisy dukes, a belly necklace, a tattoo

5 TV Shows I Like: Simpsons, Six Feet Under, Family Guy, Rock Star INXS, Fire Me Please! (yes, that is the name of a show!)

5 Movies I Like: It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, Tremors, Back To The Future, Tape Heads, Better Off Dead

5 Biggest Joys Of The Moment: Our new house, our new street, spending time with the kids, just finished a book and I don't have one "on deck", grandma's 93 and still hanging in there!

5 Favorite Toys: my palm pilot, my blog, my camera, the garden hose, the ceiling fan on the front porch

bakin potatoes, bakin in the sun

2005-08-06T08:48:00.000-04:00

Will this heat never cease!? I don't know why, but I went to the beach Wednesday. I had the day off, its summer, we live about 10 minutes from the beach, and I had yet to go once this year, .. so I figured I would go. It was 96 in the shade, and there was no shade. The heat was incredible. It was like lying on the equator. So -- I'm sitting with my feet in the baby pool, watching my 2 1/2 year old play, and I get to talking with this lady next to me. "You should have been here yesterday," she says. "Really, why?" "A little one pooped in the baby pool, so they had to close it down. Then later, someone threw up in the big pool, so that closed. Then, everyone started screaming, and sure enough, there was a shark in the ocean, so everyone had to get out and off the beach. They kicked us all out of the club." I honestly didn't know what to say to this information. On the one hand, I was thinking, "she can't be serious" and on the other hand I was thinking "can that happen again to day so I can go home already!"

We didn't stay at the beach too long -- about 3 hours -- it was too hot even for my parents who go there almost every day. So we finally leave, and we go out for ice cream. The lady at the ice cream parlor sees our beach badges and says "oh, you go to X beach club! So do I! Were you there yesterday when the pools closed and then there was that shark! That was the coolest!"

little miss smarty pants

2005-08-02T23:03:00.000-04:00

Twice in 2 days I was asked what I do for a living, and both times the response after "I'm a librarian" was "So you must know everything!" The first person said it with a smile in his voice, so he and I both knew he was kidding. The second person was dead serious. How do you respond to that? "Yes. Yes, you are correct. I do know just about Everything." Puh-leeze. Give me a break! It's so funny the things people truly believe about librarians. I remember when I left my "big corporate job" to go back to school and start a new career for myself -- my jackass of a boss laughed in my face and asked "why do you need to go to school to sit all day and read?" I visited the old office a few months ago, and that swarmy-Brooks-Brothers-wearin-golf-playin-whiskey-drinkin-H2-drivin-cape-cod-vacationin-stupid-corporate-drone was still there in his burgundy leather office with decoy ducks around him with the same stupid look on his face. Books lined the shelves of his office, with not a one of them with a creased spine. Compared to him, I do know everything.

staff room sillies

2005-08-01T14:05:00.000-04:00

It's just me and staff person X in the staff room:
X says: "Wow. Look at these zucchinis."
Me : "Yeah. Y brought them in from her garden. Anyone can take them."
Holding up one, X:"I want this one. It looks great."
Me: "So take it."
X: "I will. But I have to go to the ladies room first, and then I'll be back for it. I wouldn't want people to see me walking into the bathroom with a huge zucchini."

Humpty Dumpty

2005-08-01T13:16:00.000-04:00

I am on my way to work today, headed toward the highway, on a 2 to 3 lane 55mph road. I say 2 to 3 lanes, because it's 2, then 3, then 2 again. So anyway, there's this older man in a business suit riding a Harley next to me. He's probably around 5o or 60, guessing by his grey beard, but he looks like a cool guy because he's got one of those old fashioned tiny round helmets on, not one of those big-all-visor-types of helmets that look like they're for space travel. Anyway -- everyone is getting ready to either merge and get on the highway, or jam to the left to keep going straight, and we're approaching a traffic light just before the highway entrance. The light turns yellow, so we all are braking, merging, slowing.. getting over to the right, ..and Businesssuit-Harley-Man, who I've now merged behind, FALLS OVER. POW. I stand up on my brakes, my library bag goes flying under the dash, the seatbelt chokes me, and I do a quick scan in the rearview to see if the car behind me will be in my backseat when I next am able to breathe. This all is hapenning in slo-mo btw. Harley-Man's right leg did a shake-stop-shake-stop-shake kinda thing, while his left leg got further and further separted out, and then sure enough he's flying over the right side of the bike and standing next to it, still gripping the front, sort-of. The bike just kinda lays there, and Harley-Man is looking like he's gonna barf. As I take a breath and curse, we are a mere fraction of an inch from one another. A thousand thoughts in that one second. Do I get out and help him? He's not hurt. Did he crap himself or what? And I know better than to go see if he needs my help. First off, the bike is gi-normous, second, there are times when you just know that if you ask a person if they need you, when they've just totally humiliated themselves, the answer will be a curt "no thank you." Why rub salt in his wounds. So I wait, and the traffic behind me finally gets the clue to head left and around us, and then I reverse myself, and go around, while Fallen-Harley-Man rights the bike (after a few awful-to-watch attemps). Yikes. I needed some coffee after that one!

If the wrong size fits, you must be me

2005-07-31T08:05:00.000-04:00

I have discovered that size 16 is the absolute-hands-down-most-definately-theabsolute-worst size to be. People hate you at size 16. No, not everyone. But sales people. And shoppers. And on some days those people and their hatred of you counts. Don't believe me? Go to any store out there for a "normal" sized person -- Gap, Banana, Ltd, Apple-Crumble &F-- go in, and just TRY to find a 16. They say they have some, but they don't. And if they do have a 16, its the largest size they carry, and in real women size, it fits more like a 12 than a 16. Sometimes they blatantly tell you "we don't carry the16's in this store, try Mall X." Like, that's where all the fat shoppers are, so go away. Then, disgusted, head over to the large lady store. You know what I mean. Go there, and try to find a 16. In the large stores, a 14/16 is the smallest size they carry. It's just terrible. I can't go in there without getting the dirtiest most awful looks from the size 24 and 30 women around me. I'm way too "skinny" to shop there, and their looks tell me so. I don't belong. In the large lady store I have to hunt and peck around for my size, just like in the normal size lady store -- and there is NOTHING to be found. I just don't fit into anything out there. I used to love clothes -- loved to shop, loved to try on, loved to buy-- now, I hate clothes, I hate shopping, and I dread the day that my current clothes disintegrate off me, because then I'll have to go shopping again.